Stop focusing on the progress you think you see w/your W. There is none. You need to wipe her out as much as possible and put the focus 110% on you. It still seems to me that you seek out any crumb and hang on to it for dear life and view that as progress.
You do realize when you bring up OM all you do is push her right in his arms? Right now she does not view you as married and the more you push the idea on her that she is betraying the marriage the faster she will run away.
The reasons tensions rise when you know you will see her is because you know you cant hold back and she knows that as well. No matter what the situation you seem to either preach, scold or bring up some sort of R talk.
At this point you need to work on you (not news) and I dont see a reason in the world that you dont consider filing for a D on your own. If she wants the single life then let her have it. Right now she has you on a short string and she knows it. Remember, the person who cares least about the R controls it. And right now she controls you, your emotions control you and the ONLY thing that should be controlling you is YOU.
Honestly (and yes, this is speculation on my part to a degree) if you really wanted to honor your daughter on her big night you would have scheduled a dinner during one of your nights w/the kids and then it *really* would have been all about your daughter. There was no reason it had to be on the same night and there was no good reason for you to include your W other than you wanted to play "happy family" for a few hours.
The mere fact that your W's first question was "who is paying" should have sort of been a red flag that her intent was not to honor your daughter but to establish boundaries right off the bat.
You read my latest update - since our court hearing my H couldnt contact me enough. Now I have not heard from him for 2 days so my guess is things evened out with his GF and their rocky patch is over. That is EXACTLY why I remained polite but distant with him.
You (and many here) seem to have this dream that this is all about a fog and one day it will lift. Maybe it will, maybe it wont. As long as there is an OM/OW in the picture NOTHING will happen and you will be looked at as a HUGE obstacle to the WAS happiness. Plain and simple. So bringing up the OM to your W only made her look at you (again) as the obstacle to her happiness.
