It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

When she dropped the D bomb the 1st week in I pushed back hard and got her to change her mind for 1 day! I'll admit to creating a lot of the problems by begging. I haven't done it since.

The party sitch was me asking her to show up, not me stalking her.

I texted her to find out what her problem w/ the girls was because she said it was a problem. I didn't text her back because giving me a child was ridiculous and didn't think it deserved a reply.

Overall, NC has been hard because I talk to Ds everynight via her phone. We both have a tendency to forget and end up chatting.

I don't want to contact her. I've reached a resentful stage and I wish I could erase the past 9 years and never met her at all. This isn't just today, like all the other moods. This has been building for the last few days. I don't expect it to go away.

In fact it will peak on sat. She's going to a small show for a band we both discovered together on the last good night we had together. Sunday she literally told me not to show up at the show. She can go and I really hope it hits her hard that I could have been there with her and what she's done.

Bitter? A bit.