Living, Loving, & Learning one day at a time

[Treese]

Hello All....

Been away for a while....I've been trudging through...day by day...I thought I was doing excellent but then a few things have happened to bring me down...I don't want to be down...but I'm sitting here at work, sick with God knows what and I'm crying..things are hitting me BAD this week...my guess is probably because I would have been married 25 yrs next Tuesday..and I'm guessing that day will be bad also...that's a milestone. I thought I'd be growing old with H but now that I won't be, it's hitting me hard.

H has pretty much moved in with same OW..they've been together over 3 years now...so I guess wedding bells will ring as soon as our divorce is final..I hate her...really I do..

Last week I went to a retreat with the seniors from the high school I work at..I do it every year..It was wonderful but I had to have H come to my home and stay with my kids..I had no choice, he was last resort and I had to...didn't want to...here's what happened...

D17 called and then texted me cause I can't use my phone during the retreat...when I did get a chance to call her back she was hysterical..she said, "mom...something really bad happened"...I said, "what"...she overheard H talking to OW...she walked up the steps and just starred at him...then called me...I felt awful for putting her in that position..she didn't want him staying with her. Again, I had no choice....so I did what I shouldn't have done and called him....I was mad but not screaming...I said to H, "do you not have any respect for your children, and can't you just be away from OW for 3 days"....I told him I realize that he has moved on and has a new life but that he should respect us enough not to do that in front of my children....he said, " Treese, I told her I was sorry if it hurt her but I can tell she misses me"...WHAT? of course it gets all turned back around to him...all about him....after a few minutes of his BS I said, "I hope I never see OW"...I cried for hours after I hung up with him...why? Cause he hurt my child....He is so far up her Azz it's not even funny...D17 went to school early the next morning cause she had been crying and said she just needed to get out of the house...went to school and texted me that she wanted to go home cause she couldn't quit crying...I let her go home...well, she went to my mom's...H did not know she went....never told him..

In all this he couldn't even take the few days off to stay with the kids...he had to work, but he can take days off for OW and her kids....blows the mind...

then we had issues again a few days later...this time I was calm and I think he hated that...I dealt with it on my own...

didn't speak to him until I texted him on Monday..my son was sick and my car brakes were grinding....I was afraid...he never responded...so I called my dad....he immediately picked up my car...I thought he was going to fix it himself but he took it in...long story short...my H had just fixed my brakes a few months ago but just put pads over top of holes in the rotors...the tech said I was lucky I didn't end up in a ditch..I cried...my dad paid to have my brakes fixed...$800...I never told H...but he put me at risk by just covering the brakes w pads....

I guess I'm sad that it's come to this...now that I realize it's not MLC...that he truly has moved on and doesnt want to be w me, it hits home and it hits hard...his parents are hitting their 50th the same time we hit our 25th..it was going to be a party....and a trip to Hawaii....now I'll never have either...I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but I guess reality had settled in...I'm about to be single....

So, Im glad I can come to vent....to write it down...

Treese