It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

ARGH. I selfishly took a night off from calling Ds. I've done it religiously for every night the last month. I wanted a NC, no drama night to just FEEL. I texted W this afternoon to tell her I was busy tonight and "might not" call at 9.

9:20 W calls and I don't pick up but she leaves a VM which says something about an issue w/ the girls that she needs my help on.

I can't have 1 night w/out the threat of drama? I haven't replied and assume if it's an emergency she'll assume I'm busy and text. I feel like this is a test and I don't know what to do...

[Dia]

Hold fast. If it's an emergency, she'll contact you again.

[TooLateForMe]

You're right, Dia. Thanks. I'll let it go and try not to think about it.

[TooLateForMe]

Was going to see a movie so I called Ds early. Have to call W's cell and she didn't pick up. Her last name is hyphenated but on the new message, my last name isn't on there. I left a vm saying I would be busy and was calling early.

I changed my mind about the movie for time reasons and texted that plans had changed and I'd call at regular time.

She called instead and said the phone didn't ring and assured me she wasn't avoiding my call. She was worried I had changed my plans because of the mixup but I said that things didn't work out and I would postpone my plans.

She asked with a giddy tone if I had a hot date. I said I'd rather not say and she told me she didn't want to know about it anyway.

She doesn't care? That made me kind of mad, add to that the name change and my mood took a dive.

No word on what she wanted to talk about last night.

[TooLateForMe]

Adding to the previous post...

I'm angry. Genuinely. I think she's a coward and taking this all too casually. I just want to walk away. If it weren't for the kids I would.

How do you deal with the anger, the deep sense of betrayal?

[TooLateForMe]

texted W and asked what she wanted to talk about last night. She said she was having a problem w/ Ds and wanted to give me one. I didn't reply.

Have a feeling some of her notions about "doing it on her own" may be crumbling.

If she falls apart what do I do? Even if I have the capability to clean up her mess I still don't get my W back. But if I leave her to the chaos and refuse to help, then I'm insensitive.

[bluerain]

You dont be there to rescue her. I also think that if you have 2 kids (did I read that right?), splitting them up during a separation is a terrible cruel thing to do. Their sibling is their only constant right now, you cant take that away.

Kids react when their parents are separated, that is probably why shes having a hard time with them. Maybe if she cant handle it, is it possible for you to take both of them? I really think that splitting them up is NOT the right thing to do.

I guess I dealt with the betrayal by knowing that he was screwing his life up royally and it would make him miserable for a long, long time. And you know what? That is exactly what happened. His A crumbled, he got in a lot of trouble at work, and he has been very unhappy for the last 19 months.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

texted W and asked what she wanted to talk about last night.

Pursuit. Needy/grabby. Don't do this!

She said she was having a problem w/ Ds and wanted to give me one. I didn't reply.

Passive-Aggressive! You text her, she gives you the courtesy of a prompt reply, and then you IGNORE HER?? Not good.

If she falls apart what do I do? Even if I have the capability to clean up her mess I still don't get my W back. But if I leave her to the chaos and refuse to help, then I'm insensitive.

DON'T RESCUE. "This is your mess; you need to clean it up" should be your mantra. Consequences.

Puppy

[Steve McQueen]

... I waited to reply and just said "K".

In another thread someone asked about "K" versus "okay" wondering what they meant. I've spent too much time worrying about things like that and realized it isn't worth the anxiety to care. I thought I'd try to make her wonder a little. You never know.

...

Maybe I'm over analyzing but I think I'm just being aware of my behavior and how it effects her (and ultimately others). It seems obnoxious to focus on a short text conversation but I think by doing that I'm getting a better understanding of where I'm at and where I need to be.

ahhhh.... yeah.... over analyzing? just a wee little bit.

hate to tell you this but the difference between 'K' and 'OK' amounts to 'O' the difference didnt have any meaning when you met your wife, didnt have any meaning when you married her and it still doesnt have any meaning.

you started this thread about no contact and detachment and really went down hill from there. I'm curious,

sandi asked a question that i dont see got answered:

How long have you gone with absolutely no contact what-so-ever since being S from her?

Why do you think she is in MLC?

how long really?
the "3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M." just out of curosity how much pressure did you put on her in the first week that she asked for a divorce? and why are you not honoring this 3 month seperation still to this day? by Tracking her down at parties, texting her, disrespecting her request for no-contact...


If she is out dating now, no amount of begging, pleading or pressure is going to save your marriage, definitely not a 2nd time.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Great post, McQueen.

Puppy