It has been quite some time since I last posted. I'm not sure what was going on at that time but D3 is now D4.. She and I moved downtown and things were looking promising with H. Then work got him busy again and of course there is a single good looking female working for him again so his interest waned as he got busy with work etc... He was going through the motions.. kind of the all talk no action type thing and that turned to D4 and I becoming afterthoughts again (although he will deny this ferociously since he says he thinks of D4 everyday and cries about not seeing her on a regular basis).
Anyway, I'm struggling. The holidays are tough for me so Thanksgiving just came and went. I still do not have the support structure around me to allow me much of a life outside of my time with D4.. so I'm sinking into depression. It's gotten to the point that although I like my job, a lot, it's not enough to sustain me.. which has me wanting to move home. Be near my family and my old friends. I'd only moved to Toronto back in 2001 because he was moving here and I wanted to be with him.
The big struggles right now are that I'm trying to untangle our finances.. and this is ripping open the thin scab I'd managed to form...
He's upset that I want to move our D4 away with me.. it won't be so convenient for him to drop in and see her when he has a minute to share with her and it will be difficult for him to schedule time with her with his hectic schedule.
I'm scared (terrified actually) at what my future holds for me and extremely sad that I feel the failure of this all over again.. but I pray to God, daily, to help me with this so hopefully he will carry the burden for me.
I've been watching/reading what's up with those of you that started around the same time as me. Congratulations Ali I am so happy for you. BBJ, I'm glad you made the appt to see the Dr., J210 you sound like you're doing fantastic, Kalni/Sunshine/Maria I'm glad there is movement in your sitch, Lisa - I wish you would post an update, Julia - you are very brave and I wish I had your strength, MichelleLT - Happy Birthday and I'm glad things are going so well me RT, Michelle - Congrats on your boy passing the tests!! I'm sure there are others I'd like to personally address but I should get into this thing called work.
