And she most probably will under the right conditions. She may not be as "drugged out" anymore but the affair is still in progress, and, as Puppy and the good Phoenixdeux point out your marriage is worthless while that's the case.
We have managed to work on our R, but I know what you mean, she still has that wall up because she hasn't let go of OM, and as long as that wall is there, I'm on the outside looking in.
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I know you were bad in your M. I was in mine too. I was abusive, thoughtless, selfish and an all round jerk. You're responsible for that and I can tell you own it. You're not responsible for your wife's decision to lie and cheat.
Thanks Dia. Sometimes I do blame myself too much I think. At least now she appears to own her actions. She said to me "At least what you did is denfensible, what I did is indefensible."
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If OM is thousands of miles away (as he was in my sitch) that will naturally limit the extent to which he can meet your wife's emotional needs. After the infatuation chemicals started to subside a little in your wife's brain and reality intruded on her fantasy, she looked to you ... but not completely as you've discovered.
Phoenixdeux and Puppy are right, now is not the first 6 months of your W's affair. You would be better off going completely dark until/unless you are 100% that your W's affair is history. I did this with my own W and she came back albeit grudgingly. Her actions tell you that she's far from done with you.
I'm not really sure what to do here. I've said enough things to her that I think she knows I will not tolerate her continued contact with OM. I can't decide if it's more powerful to let her WONDER what I'll do if she decides to stay in contact with him, or to clearly lay out the consequences.
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Translation: "I don't know what I want" means "I'm not ready to give up my affair yet" similar to "I'll quit smoking next year".
I agree completely. She's still clinging to it, although I can see enough reality sinking in so part of her knows it's a losing play.
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"But, Daaa-aaad, I'm Jesus Christ !"
This concludes your obscure Bill Cosby reference for the day.
