Question

[ClingingToHope]

I'd stop the spying. It doesn't do any good to know. What happens, happens. If he leaves this weekend good riddance. Sorry. But he never cut off contact with OW and that means he isn't committed to making it work.

You are allowing him to go to a game with OW? You have to set some boundaries to earn his respect and he needs to grow up.

I haven't read Surrendered Wife. I'm guessing the premise is to make sure both sides have defined roles in the marriage. If you are married to someone who has your best interests at heart -- and only your interests -- then you surrender. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

One other thing, DB rule number 1 is don't pursue, plead or beg. Telling him you are afraid he will leave is pursuing. You need him to understand you will be fine whether he stays or goes.