Question

[awest1217]

I feel like I keep making mistakes. Last night I read an IM H sent OW saying "I know, but in 4 days we can go back to normal if you want". I don't know what that means, but I jumped to conclusions. Based on previous situations, I think H is planning on leaving after this weekend, OW parent's are in town (yes H tells me everything about OW even when I don't want to know and H is going to a game with OW so the parents can use OW's tickets. Hasn't gone with me to a game yet...) this weekend and I think once they leave he will leave and OW will move back in with him. Once again this is all speculation and I don't know what to think. I am reading a book called "surrendered wife" which is helping me with some of my control (I am being careful due to the multiple times of mistrust), and I know last night I let my fears get the best of me. I told H that I was concerned that he was going to leave after this weekend. I did not tell him why I thought that. I said I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach and I did because I told my mom this last weekend. H said he is not planning on it, but it made things really awkward again. He said he is worried I am going to "spy" to find out if it is true. I said I can't even if I wanted to.

I know I should not have said anything and just said I am concerned and my fears are getting the best of me. Then see how he reacted. Instead I got on FB and vented to a friend, which got H upset because I didn't go to bed like I need, and he could not get on the computer like he had been. I really want to make sure that I am trying my hardest and not making mistakes, but at the say time I am human. Sometimes I feel like I have to be WonderWoman to make this work, especially because he is even more leary than I am.

I just needed to vent. I think when I get home tonight I will tell H I am sorry for letting my fears get the best of me and apologize for making him feel bad, and leave it at that. See how he reacts and do better next time.