Magnificent

[mishka422]

That was exactly why I asked Gabe to be there tonight. I really felt that whatever influence he had on Marc about this was important. Marc hears me drone on and on to him about responsibility, pride, taking action, bettering himself....I think it all just flows over him and past him without absorption. He doesn't have much contact with Gabe anymore so anything his dad says to him is like God-spoken. It sickens me, but whatever works. I do all the work and Gabe gets all the reward of Marc actually listening. Grrrr....

Again, whatever it takes.....

[ClingingToHope]

The ex doesn't spend a lot of time with the kids? I don't understand that at all. I'm going to try to make sure that never happens with me, although when they are teenagers I wonder how it's going to go when it's my weekend.

"Dad, I want to go to the mall with friends, and then we are heading to Jen's/Pam's/Brittney's house. We can hang out tomorrow."

[mishka422]

Yes, with him being a teenager it makes it really hard. Also, I don't know if you knew this yet, but my son is mildly autistic. He has Aspberger's Syndrome. Social deficits and organization problems mostly.

No, he doesn't spend much time with his dad even though he lives less than 8 miles from here. I asked for sole custody giving him visitation every other weekend and one evening per week. He is such a selfish prick that he didn't ever even mention the possibility of 50/50 custody. That would have inconvenienced him and the broom (that is my nickname for OW - aka Broomhilda). She only has visitation with her son every other weekend as well. Yeah, their a matched set of losers. They are apparently perfect for each other.

If you are willing to fight for the time with your daughters, then by all means please do. You sound like a very involved and loving dad. Sadly, that seems to be something that is more rare than you would imagine. I'm glad to see there are still men in this world who truly love their W's and cherish their children. I was pretty much convinced through this ordeal that those men were all in my imagination.

[BobbiJo]

Hooray for Marc!!! I hope he keeps it up...that is excellent. I hope he is feeling proud of his achievements, that can be a good motivator.

Good for you too making it through the evening with Gabe there. It will be good for Marc if you guys can tolerate being in each other's 'space' sometimes.

[mishka422]

30 minutes was my limit though. He kept giving me these sheepish but somewhat smug grins. I wanted to say something totally snarky about what he was wearing, but he'll never change. He never wears anything that matches. Makes me crazy. I'm just glad he didn't suddenly start dressing like a grown up when he left me.

[ClingingToHope]

No, he doesn't spend much time with his dad even though he lives less than 8 miles from here. I asked for sole custody giving him visitation every other weekend and one evening per week. He is such a selfish prick that he didn't ever even mention the possibility of 50/50 custody.

That raises an interesting question. I've never brought 50/50 custody although I would love to have it. Five years ago, when my W first brought up D -- hello, why didn't I take the hint and make changes then -- the first thing she said was she was taking the kids.

Schedule wise, it's better if I have them. I have the flexible schedule. But they are girls and need their mom -- and her self esteem is really tied up into them. If she didn't have the kids, she'd just crash.

I do plan on asking for another night during weeks where I won't have them on the weekends. I don't think she'll balk since she's already asked me to take them additional nights twice in my 10 weeks in the apartment because she's so far behind at work.

Here's a question for you. W and I still have joint accounts so I can go online and see where we both are financially. W was pushing to close accounts, but I pointed out to her that she'd have to make trips to credit union to deposit checks. Keeping the joint accounts, I can just transfer the money.

Anyway, here's the question. I saw tonight W paid off a short-term loan we took out when we were still living together. She probably got it from her 401(k) thanks to help from her mom.

First, I find it interesting because she said last week she didn't have $1,200 for a retainer to get divorced and the loan's balance was $1,224.

Second, and here, finally, is the question. In our unofficial child support agreement, I was paying her an additional $27.50 a paycheck for that loan. That equaled $55 a month for a $106 payment.

Do I just put $25 less in next week's transfer, write her a note -- she hasn't given me her new email address -- saying I'm going to put $25 less a check in the transfer or send her a text?

I do not like talking money with W.

[karen43]

Marc hears me drone on and on to him about responsibility, pride, taking action, bettering himself....I think it all just flows over him and past him without absorption.

D9 talks like that now too, dad said this and dad said that...But truthfully, I think they learn most of what they do/who they are through watching us and seeing if we are responsible, better ourselves, etc.

[dday101798]

Mish,

I can not say again how truly disgusted I am by the stories of the parents who just walked out on their kids and left them high and dry, not only as a parent, but I was one of those kids.

I really, really wish my XW would gorw up and get over "her issues" with me and realize OM doesn't have a penny's say in the fact if we do something as a 'family' or not. But, all I can keep doing is extending the offers. Our boys know she is the one that rejects them and why.

Sad.

[karen43]

D, why do you keep extending the offers if she keeps rejecting them? I think you should stop, and if she ever is interested she could extend the offer to you? I think it would help you detach further and stuff too.

I know there are a lot of messed-up parents out there, but then we see a lot of good examples here too...

[dday101798]

D, why do you keep extending the offers if she keeps rejecting them?

Simple, the kids ask me to, thus, it's for them.