It is hard not to pursue. I want so much to make things better. The hard part for me is that I am continually told that it is me by the X. So if I am trying to make changes and do make positive changes, why are things not getting better?
I think I may not be the total problem, but have learned things and have changed some things in my life for the better. Why would someone not even care to talk to you to make things better? I really need to talk with some other DBers who can identify and provide some insight.
Stuck is right. You have reached a point we all did - you are starting to realize this mess isn't all about you. It never is. Sometimes, it has little to do with you. But, your realization of this is significant because it shows you are on the right path.
Keep focusing on you. Give up trying to understand why she does/says anything. Might be an answer, might not. She may not even understand why. "Why" will drive you nuts. Especially when you are trying ti make "WHY" your fault, when it probably has less to do with you than you think.