Wow, I'm really feeling strange the last few days. I see that T24now is having some similar rollercoaster emotions at the prospect of her H coming home, and so I know it isn't just me.
After finally feeling like I was getting my earth-legs back after months on the nauseating rides on the rollercoaster, I now feel like I'm having to really work at staying calm.
Why now? Why is all of this anger, doubtfulness, anxiety, etc. coming up now that he's coming home? Nothing else has really changed--that's the only thing it could be triggering me right now.
I'm trying to pull it all up and look at it in the light of day. I guess my fears center around not wanting to have to walk on eggshells when he comes home.
Just because he chose to come home doesn't mean I'm going to baby and be afraid to rock the boat. There are still days when I struggle with a lot of anger and I don't want to have to hide that or have him feel guilty just because I'm having those feelings.
I feel like we've been able to make a lot of progress in me being able to express myself and have reasonable expectations and boundaries in our R. I don't want to punish him or sabotage, but I don't ever want to have to go back to stuffing everything down because he refused to address anything.
Anyway..just rambling as I try to figure things out.
