For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[LuLu]

I don't have much time right now but I say no, don't tell him yet. I would tell him the last time he comes to visit or speak to each other before you leave. The only reason I think you should tell him is your DD. If he wants to see your dd, he should be able to. You are respectful enough of the daddy-daughter relationship that it's not in you to do that plus I think it's vengeful. And if he asks why you didn't tell him sooner, tell him you did. It's the truth.

I'll touch base with you later. Got to run.

[bluerain]

YAY Courtney! I am sorry that hes being a louse, but it really does sound like its what you needed to finally get yourself picked up!

Also, I would tell him that if he wants out of this M then he needs to respect your right to privacy. If he doesnt want to be your H then he needs to expect to not be privy to your every move. I wouldnt tell him about the trip, is there any reason you can think of that he should know? As far as Im concerned, you did tell him.

Either way, definately go, and have a great time!

[LuLu]

Okay um, what a jack@ss to leave you guys like that!

Have you left your DD like this before? I'm so proud of you for doing this! Major GAL'ing!! You need some bonding time with bff too. I assume she knows your sitch?

Will your H be wanting/planning to visit DD while you are away?

[courts0818]

The reason I would tell him is bc of our DD. We (I'm going with a girlfriend) might be leaving really early for the airport - around 3:00am so I thought about asking H to stay here that night. But, I don't know. I also thought about telling him so he could spend the time with our DD.

Part of me just wants to go and yes do what he did to me. But, I guess being vengeful isn't right and it will look like I'm intentionally trying to get back at him. And that doesn't really demonstrate that I'm moving forward - that would just show that I'm more interested in getting even. Right?

Moving on to today - I had to ask him to pick DD up bc I worked late. He sent me a text asking how late and when I replied, he texted back asking if wanted to ML (not his exact words). I was like...huh????? So, I texted back - 'what the flip?' and he replied, "I'll take that as no." I do not understand him. Yes, I have been in a good mood lately, but um...I still caught him in a lie a few weeks ago. He lied and said he was staying at a friend's house in Chicago and I found his hotel reserveration. No why would I want to have sex with him??????

And...when I walked in the door tonight, he looked at me and said, "Why is your neck red? Someone been sucking on your neck?" lol...um...I had just scratched my neck, that's why it was red. I also noticed tonight that he started a converstaion about a local child who had swine flu. And he bought some new beer with wheat or something and he asked me to try it. So, in his own way, he was trying to reach out to me.

One other thing - when I first asked him if he could pick our DD up, he didn't know if he could bc he said he had a meeting. After a couple of texts, he said it was an interview. In the past, I would have been all over that - asking where, when, with who and so on, but today I didn't say anything about it. And tonight I didn't mention it either. I am interested, but I thought I would wait a couple of days to ask anything. I guess just to show that his every move is not on my mind. If that makes sense.

[LuLu]

I think we're married to the same man! I swear the similarities are uncanny. Look at this way, he still finds you attractive and wants you. Would you rather him not want to ML to you? Isn't that funny when they just outright ask you in our sitch?

Yeah, the vengeful thing is all I kept thinking. Because really, that's not you. Also, it's probably not in the best interest of your daughter. You are exactly right. If you were truly over H, you would tell him about the trip so he could spend time with DD while you were out of town. I say meet in between and tell him last minute. Something like, oh if you're planning to spend time with DD, you'll have to go to my Mom's. I'm going to be out of town for a few days.

Keep up the 180. Don't ask about the interview, not even in a few days. He'll start acting like my H and just start giving out all sorts of details even though you don't ask.

I've got to say Court, things are different with you guys and different is good!

[bluerain]

Did you tell him that the red marks on your neck were where the pool boy was sucking on it? And that he pulled your hair a little too? hehe. Sorry.

I think that as long as your DD is taken care of, and you mentioned that you already discussed the trip with him thats enough! But, I do see what your saying. Maybe you should wait until you are already gone to tell him, "oh, by the way"...

I also agree that he probably was trying to reach out to you, but until he is proving himself trustworthy he doesnt deserve for you to notice! I also agree that you should wait to talk to him about the posibility of his job interview. And your right, it does show him that you arent sitting wondering what hes up to!

[courts0818]

Lulu, I must have missed your earlier post. I think I might have been updating and didn't even see it until now. No, I have not left like this before. It is MAJOR for me...MAJOR! Yes, my BFF knows everything. She's the furthest away from me, but we are very close.

bluerain, ha ha...too bad I didn't think of the pool boy comment. ; ) And I still haven't asked about the interview.

I think I'm going to wait until next Tuesday to say something to H. And then I'm going to ask him to spend the night at our house on Thursday bc we (girlffriend and I) are leaving Thursday night to stay in a hotel. We have to be at the airport really early. What do you think of me waiting until Tuesday to talk to him?

He has to work on Friday, but my mom is planning on coming over to watch our DD. The reason I'm not just taking DD to my parent's house is bc they have 4 dogs and one is a great dane. They get all hyper when DD is there. It's just easier for my mom to come to our house. So I guess I'll tell H that my mom will watch her on Friday and Monday (while he is working) and he can watch her on Saturday and Sunday. I'm not asking him to take time off work. That would turn into a fight. I pray that he keeps our DD here in our home bc that is what's best for her.

Does this sound like a good plan? Should I tell him sooner/later? Say anything different? I think he's going to be surprised that I'm actually going. I'm even surprised.

[courts0818]

Okay I need advice QUICK! H told me he is going out with a guy he does business with - I've been out with this guy too. He's crazy, but fun. Anyway, we were trying to figure out what we are going to do with DD bc I'm volunteering at church tonight. H said his mom could watch her. Then he asked if I wanted to go out with them tonight (when I'm done at church). ??????? What do I do??????

I'm doing SO GOOD at detaching...FINALLY! This weekend will be one month since I stopped texting/asking/obessing over H. I've been GAL and making great progress. If I go tonight, will that show that I want to spend with him? Will that ruin all of my hard work?

On the other hand, I've really wanted to show H that the fun side of me still exists - and tonight would be a good opportunity to show him that I'm still fun. It will be a big night in our area bc of the Nortre Dame game. Should I go, have some drinks and just be fun and not really concern myself with what he's doing?

I need help!!!!!

This is also a confusing weekend for me - bc this weekend marks 1 full year since H moved out.

[Gardener]

Courts,

On the other hand, I've really wanted to show H that the fun side of me still exists - and tonight would be a good opportunity to show him that I'm still fun. It will be a big night in our area bc of the Nortre Dame game. Should I go, have some drinks and just be fun and not really concern myself with what he's doing?

At first I was going to say don't go.But how about go separately/meet them there, have a coupla drinks, show him 'the fun aside of you still exists', and leave early saying you gotta be somewhere else?

This way, you go along, show you're a lot of fun (pour it on), leave (mysterious) and more importantly leave H and friend talking (inevitably) about you?

Anyway, my lurking, rambling $.02.

[LuLu]

First DB'ing instinct is to say. "no, I already have plans but thanks for thinking of me." That's how I felt about our anniversary date but I am so glad I ended up going out. It was a fun night. I'm no help am I? lol

Bottom line is, what do YOU want to do?