It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

(((((Wifey, peace, BM & Grace)))))

I can't tell you how much your words meant to me. I am doing a little better today. I went to dance class last night, and actually laughed a few times. Wifey, I took your advice and had a good cry last night. And I do feel calmer today, although that may be exhaustion because I only slept 3 hours.

The peri-menopause thing is also definitely part of the mix at least sometimes. However, I don't think that is the only issue, because when I get caught in an emotional vortex like that, it doesn't seem like I can snap out of it unless/until I hit bottom. This trough lasted a couple weeks before bottoming out last night. When I feel like that, I try to do all the things I know how to do to distract myself, or "float" through it, but often it seems like that just prolongs the agony! I have wondered if maybe I would do better to do a 180 and really try to actively dwell on the pain and maybe that would be more effective!

As most of you know, I am on AD meds, and I really don't want to increase them. I don't necessarily think it's a dosage issue anyway because I have had periods (even long ones) where I feel pretty good. I just feel so powerless!! Like I have to reach a point low enough and hard enough that I bounce, and thus can change momentum and get back on an up-swing!

As I have also said before, I think that each time I climb out of the gutter, I get higher on the ladder, which makes it hurt more when I fall! I just so wish that there was a button I could push!!! I really hate this freakin' roller-coaster and I wanna get off!!!!

Anyway, I sent the following e-mail to STBXH today....

Hey,

I've been thinking, and I think I would like to cancel you coming over this weekend. In fact, I would like to postpone your work on the house for a little while (until perhaps the beginning of the year?). The truth is that I really need some space from you right now. Please understand that I am not angry or anything like that. I just think this is best for my mental health for the time being. The work on the house is not "emergent", and I'm sure you will appreciate a little more time to your own pursuits.

I hope you understand.

Take care.

T

This was his reply.....

I understand. Take all the time you need. I will stand by my promise to complete the agreed on work when you are ready.

Take care

I cried when I read it..... I sorta hate it when he's sweet.

Well, I am going to bed early tonight!!

You guys are amazing, and I am so thankful to have you in my corner...... if only "virtually"!!

[[[[[[[[[[BIG HUGS]]]]]]]]]]