Well, I went to Bible study tonight and asked for prayer because tomorrow is the second anniversary of my separation. The Pastor said a lovely prayer for me and as I was leaving another group member came up to me and said "this is for tomorrow" and wrapped her arms around me in a big hug. She apparently has been separated from her husband now for six months and so we stood and talked for a bit sharing pieces of our individual stories. It was so nice. I had originally thought about not going as I'd had a massage yesterday and my body was hurting and every time I thought of tomorrow I'd tear up. But, I decided to go anyway and if I cried then I cried! Well, I didn't cry but I made a deeper connection with a nice lady (pretty good looking too!). It's funny because the people I would expect to be comforting me didn't but out of nowhere comes someone I didn't expect it from. This is what I've found in the past too, it's often people you don't expect who step up when you need somebody. If I can just remember that when the anxiety about my future starts to hit. Anything can happen and it can actually be good! Later Dbers.
Sending another hug your way. I know how hard those "dates" can be. I remember them well. Do know this - it gets easier and easier every year. You still think of the date but it doesn't hurt as much or at all. At the 2 year mark I was still hurting pretty bad. By the 4th - not so much (except that he got married then). Now, at the 8 year mark - nada. Nothing. Probably didn't even think of it that day.
People are in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. And there are those special people that God gives to us when we need them. And it sounds like one of them was there for you tonight. And that makes me glad for you.
It sill all get better. I will think of you tommorrow.
Thanks Donna and SFO, today is actually going very well. Maybe the emotion was last night, we'll see. I called my church this morning re a church matter and the Lead Pastor answered the phone. He asked me how things were going today and we talked for a bit. He said "I was thinking about you this morning and wondering about the best way to get in touch with you today.I was wondering whether it would be helpful or not" I replied "a phone call is always appreciated. I know that when you think about doing these things you have to be careful, asking yourself will it help or will it upset the person. But Pastor, anytime you want to ask how I'm doing or call me I will be perfectly OK with it" So he said a prayer for me on the phone and we said our goodbyes. So I think I very clearly let him know that he doesn't have to worry about any adverse reaction from me if he approaches me or calls me re my situation. I feel I did something good there and communicated something important. Well, year number 3 is about to begin.
Well, Whatis got through yesterday unscathed! I went to my Psychologist appointment after work and she was pleased with some of the things I'd done this week e.g. asking for prayer from my bible study group. She said these things showed that I was feeling stronger because I reached out and took a chance on people. She liked that I'd spoken to my Pastor and let him know that I was open to him calling or chatting about my sitch. So last night I went from my appointment to a Prayer Meeting at our church and again mentioned the sad anniversary I was "celebrating"! Prayer was said for me and afterwards one of the male prayer group members turned to me, hugged me and said "I love you, Whatis" and my Pastor came over and patted me on the back and said "You've made it through the day." This morning on my way to work whenever I thought of my Brother saying he loved me tears would start coming. As I was sitting at a stop light I looked over at a car making a left hand turn and noticed the lady driving was also wiping tears from her eyes (quite a feat while making a turn, I'd say). So today starts Year 3 for Whatis.
It's been a while since I've been here. I guess I need to ask you, as you begin year 3, what are you hoping for? It's hard to start a new life when you are tethered to your old one. What are you gaining by NOT getting divorced at this time?
FLTC, I like that question "what are you hoping for", it would be good if I could come up with an answer too! Presently, I'm just hoping to get rid of the remnants of this virus, feel strong again and then get on with my life. I find it really hard to look at things right now because when you're fatigued the answers aren't always what they would be when you're energized. I've made four more weekly massage appointments in the hopes of settling this body down!Re: dating, before getting ill I was starting to look at the whole dating thing but now I don't feel particularly confident about it and, again, it's due to feeling zonked! It messes with your confidence etc. The shrink said we'll get to the dating and aloneness stuff. As for divorce it's not something I've really thought about lately. Maybe because finding someone else is not a reality in my head yet, who knows. Good question, great to hear from you!
Well, the old body is hurting tonight folks! Whatis was at a wedding celebration last night and dancing took its toll. We went as a family; myself, STBX, and the kids. A relative approached my mother and asked "are you sure your son and his W are really separated? Look at them up there on the dance floor, they even dance the slow ones!" My mother said "Whatis and STBX have tried to stay friends and we're very proud of the way Whatis has conducted himself through this whole separation". Nice to hear. By the time we got home it was 1:00 am. I dropped off STBX and the kids and then headed home for some sorely needed sack time. It's funny, because when STBX is having a great time, dancing and laughing I remember that this was the woman I fell in love with 20 years ago. Life just chipped away at her and she became what she became. It was nice to see a glimpse of the woman she was and can still be once in a while. D15 said "it made me sick watching mom dance around like she thought she was 20 or something" Ahh, the old mom and teenage daughter angst still lives! It's good to see some things never change. Later Dbers.
Talk about living in the ultimate limbo! Ugh! Three years ago if you had asked me, I would have said that the word "divorce" struck panic into the deepest recesses of my soul. Now, I can't wait until it's final. I despise the woman I married 23 years ago. I think that you either move backward or forward. Given my ample therapist background (ha!) I just don't believe staying "stuck" where you are is good for anyone; you, your kids and your STBXW. No closure, no moving forward, just suspended animation. Why has there been no forward progress by either of you? Divorce or reconcile, "Let's Get it Started in Here!"
FLTC, STBX was invited by my sister to the wedding, not me. We went as a family because it made sense to do so. We had a good time but STBX and I do not spend time together except for family events. We normally don't call and chat except about family business but, the odd time, we do vent to each other and look for a little support. I honestly don't see how divorce will set me free! At this point, it is what it is. I also don't see any reconciliation in the future but I'm not at a point where dating is in the cards either. So, I'm OK right where I am. To each his own, I guess. Am I way off base here? Could be!
