OK. I know the trigger and I know the issues my wife needs to deal with. My thoughts are based on things I've read here, things my wife has said, and from info from other people I've talked to.

Trigger - Friend(I will refer to as F) of ours died suddenly of heart attack in Sept 2005. A year later is when she started changing her appearance. F was ten years older than my wife. He was her youth leader at Church. She had known him for about 15 years.

Issue #1 - Grief from F's passing as well as unresolved feelings for F.
Before I had met my wife and as she had become older, F had developed feelings for my wife. He mentioned on a couple of occasions that he wanted to marry her. As far as i know she did not have the same feelings for him. My wife said that I was the only guy that I was with that F approved of. It seems as though when we got married, F saw that she was truly happy and was able to move on. I think she may have had the what if feelings related to her having a relationship with F.

Before I knew of affair with OM #1, wife talked more frequently of OM #1. One particular conversation we had, I asked why she talked so much of OM #1. She said that she felt bad because the only reason he was her friend was because OM #1 reminded her in many ways of F. I think that she used OM #1 to explore and resolve those what if feelings for F. Once that was done, the relationship disintegrated.

Issue #2 - Emotional abandonment from when she was a child
My wife feels, and from things she's told me rightfully so, that she was forgotten about as a child. She's the middle of 3. Her older sister was very rebellious and received all the negative attention. Her younger sister was the baby and received all the positive. My wife was lost in the shuffle. She went to the extent when she was in grade school to jump out of a tree so she would hurt herself to get attention.

I've been told the OP will be someone that they knew from the time period they are trying to resolve. OM #2 was a friend of hers from sixth grade and that's exactly how she introduced him to everyone. She made a connection because at the time they were mental equals. They were on the same wavelength hence her feeling that he was her soulmate. I think as she began to grow mentally, her image of OM #2 changed which hastened the demise of that relationship.

Issue #3 - Feels because she got married young, she missed out on the single life.
Thus far no OP. At times, it's like she's a split personality. I see the old wife and then I see the immature 20 year old that just likes to drink and party. I think she will get to the point where she misses being part of a family and the partying will get old.

Obviously I'm not an expert on this stuff. Just some thought s that I had.