More journaling: I forgot to say..yesterday when Wolfie walked me to my car, he gave me a loooong hug. Actually, like a 5-10 minute hug. We just stood there, watching the leaves fall and the people go by and he was making content little growly noises. The hug is a big deal because my major LL is physical affection and it used to be that I would always have to initiate hugs and he would always break away first--far before I was ready.
Also, last night we were talking about his counseling and the whole PTSD thing. I told him that I have seen SO much growth in him over the last 6 months.
Now I feel like I can talk to him about anything without having to worry that he'll get defensive or shut down on me. Even if he disagrees with me, he doesn't discount what I'm saying to stonewall me.
He said he was really glad that I could see growth, and that even though he was primarily doing the work for himself, it was also his way of fighting for us.
He said he'd seen alot of changes in me too, that I'm more calm & flxible about things. I said I thought that I was mostly responding to HIS changes. Before, there had been all of these unresolved problems and tension because I couldn't get him to even talk to me, much less look at any solutions.
He said that he used to think I was always being controlling, but was starting to see how frustrated, lonely, and insecure I used to feel in reaction to his behavior. He even apologized for that.
I told him I was still sad because I wished he were happier and more at peace but we both figure that will come eventually if he keeps doing the work he's doing with C.
It was a good, validating conversation. It ended up with him saying he was a very lucky man to be in love with his best friend.
