Jack - I like that idea of asking if she needs any help. It still makes her responsible for her own emotions.
Grace - I'll look up the avoidant personality disorder to see if this is her problem.
Another thing to to add.
6)Pick my battles
7) If she does something which bothers me, don't let her get away with it. Confront her action and don't make it personal keep the focus on the action and my comments short. If she doesn't agree - don't argue.
8)Don't let her know what I want. Her passive aggressive attitude will foul her thinking. She will end up sabotaging my plans.
9)Take her control away. She tends to screw me over but tries to smooth it over.
Example: Wife: I'm eating over a friends with D11 tonight. Do you want me to pick up a TV dinner from the market? I'm already there.
