BillM's new thread

[karen43]

I left her a message yesterday, and she called back and left me a message about how her day was going. Last night she thanked me for calling her, saying it was nice to hear from me during the day.

Are these baby-steps, or cake-eating? Cake-eating! Don't call her and leave messages unless they're important ones about your kids or something. Otherwise it's pursuit. You've tried the mr. (overly)nice guy with your W for months now; it's not an effective approach if your goals are reconciliation. If it's being a good friend with her after your D, then you're on track.

I asked her this morning about dialoguing and the Retro post-sessions, but it seemed like pressuring her.

One of the Retro couples emailed me, and is asking if she can call / email, talk to W. I don't know if that's a good idea - again, pressuring her to work on the marriage. I suppose I'll mention it to her - I don't know about that one though.

I don't think it's pressure if you forward the email to your W with no comment. Didn't she tell you she doesn't want to dialogue with you already? If so, I wouldn't ask her again as that would be pursuit. If she has not made clear re: the dialoguing, then a simple ? asking her to clarify would be fine I think.

Just as an aside, I'm amazed at how I can go from feeling out-of-my-mind to normal in a couple of hours. I'm afraid that, again, it's the Xanex. I'm really frustrated with myself that I continue to be messed up. I'm looking forward to getting better.

I was a total crazed mess my first couple months here, a couple more months to feel ok, prob. a year or more till I actually felt good most of the time. This is a rollercoaster process. We're dealing with crazy people (our WAS) and that's very stressful. I think most all of us here are on ADs, as am I, and some of the rest that aren't should probably consider it! I think some of this stuff just takes time, and things get slowly better usually.

I took months to stop the doormat, overly nice stuff in my sitch. It didn't help, and made me feel like cr**. But everyone has to go at their own pace on this...