FWIW, I don't really think the whole MLC thing is very helpful. Also, HBs stuff is kind of taken as a "bible." It is no doubt insightful, helpful stuff. But it certainly is nothing that should be read as fact. Another problem is that the MLC mentality around here is often very condescending and belittling toward the WAS as someone totally lost and crazy. It treats the WAS perspective with deep disrespect. And, it keeps people very very stuck, as they point to some mysterious external MLC entity as the cause of the problems in their M. The problems in your M are IN YOUR M. The best thing you can do is to continue to work on yourself. Shifting your focus back onto analysis and wife-fixing is a very bad idea, I really believe quite strongly.
Look, no doubt, people question their lives and often make significant changes mid-life. When people feel a need to make radical changes (or have those changes thrust upon them), they often become ungrounded and bounce around as they reorient themselves to a different way of being in the world. They experiment, they act like teenagers. WASs often do this. Sooner or later, they stabilize, become more moderate, and find a new place as a reinvented adult in the world. And, guess what. LBSs do this too. Look at all the facebooking, meetups, exercise programs, diets, wild parties, etc. etc. This becomes crystal clear when LBSs finally accept the end of their Ms. The majority of them go through a pretty wild phase, as is very easily seen in Surviving. They enter into Rs to quickly, use them as bandaids, are in denial, become irresponsible, act like teenagers, party wildly. Why? Because the personal crisis of divorce has created a need for them to find out who they want to be in the new identity they will have moving forward.
And, guess what. That is pretty much what is going on with "MLCers," except something other than a looming D provoked that personal crisis. Some people have a personal crisis about their life's work because they find it unfulfilling. So, they take on an entirely new career. Some people find their Ms unfulfilling, so they seek to find a romantic, passionate partnership that they ache for.
It is simply the human inclination to evaluate one's life at a certain stage, realize our mortality, and re-envision our life and reprioritize to get the most out of the time we have left. Sure, depression, hormones, etc... can play a role around middle age. BUT, the root of the crisis is almost certainly REAL. Lomg-term genuine dissatisfaction with work or an M, for instance. Without large existing problems, mid-life reflection results in less sharp, less deep personal crises. It might mean getting a sports car, exercise, and making more time for family. But when there are large existing problems that are barriers to living a flourishing fulfilling life, mid-life is a time when we go all out to remove those barriers. We know we don't have forever. When removing those barriers creates the deep personal crisis, you get the teenager, acting out, wild swinging views as one seeks to regain equilibrium on new feet.
So, if you think your W is in MLC fine, you probably are too. But I'd urge you not to get into the MLC mind-set too far. The key here is: it is midlife, you both urgently want to move forward in way that will make your future more fulfilling, and neither of you know yet what that looks like, and old hurts obscure the possibility of you making your good futures together.
Anyway, I really don't think moving to MLC would be a very productive move.
