It really fry's me when she starts going on about all of the "issues" that have to be at the heart of everything. It's a hot button for me because I am sick of hearing how loving and caring feelings and behaviors are "sick & unhealthy."
Hey man, that's frustration talking, not detachment. I know how you feel. I still have times like that. He!!, I had them over this past weekend while on vacation with my W and kids.
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Wanting to be with someone, doing nice things for your spouse, caring about the feelings of others? These things are all mental disorders according to her. Mind you I'm not talking about taking things to some uber-crazy level of these things, but a level that I feel should be present in a loving dedicated marriage.
I agree with you, if you were in a "normal" M, but you're not (no one here short of reconciliation is either). So, if you aren't at the reconciliation stage, why are you expecting her to act a certain way towards you? You can't.
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I just want this crap to be done with. I want to feel like we are on the same side.
I understand. I really do b/c I feel that way about my M too. If you are truly done, no one here will hold that against you. Just make sure you are really done. It's ok to have the emotions you have. Just make sure your actions are based on reasoned thought, not emotion. You know the 48 hour rule, right?
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The one year anniversary of the bomb being can't be helping either.
Remind me, how long have you been DB'ing? Have you been DB'ing for a year?
If you are just venting, man, that's completely ok - I do it and think this is a great place for that.
I hear a lot of still being attached to your W's moods, still having expectations and frustration in your post. Some of that is normal. Detaching means her moods dont dictate yours. And no expectations means just that - you cannot be disappointed in an outcome if you aren't clinging to another outcome.
