Dear Readers: I have received so many questions in the last month about cheating spouses that I wanted to write a general response to a few of the letters written to me. I posted this last week on the blog, but I am going to put it in print for those who aren't online.
I have been sorting through various responses received on this and have to say that this topic always causes quite a stir. Those with guilty consciences seem to come out of the woodwork, as do those who are on the receiving end and can relate. I would like to thank everyone for sharing their stories and opinions.
To respond globally to some of the questions posed: No matter what your views on this are, whether or not you have a personal interest in the matter, or whether it is your own "little friendship" involved, the fact remains that the person is married. No amount of denial, defensiveness or justification on anyone's part can change that.
If indeed a couple was having marital difficulties before, that is something between the couple, not the couple and the affair-ee. To air your marital strife to the "other man/woman" is immature, and hurtful and unfair to the one who should be hearing it: The spouse. As for the cheating, if the other man/woman thinks it can't happen to them, think again. Likely the person has done it before, and odds are, they'll do it again.
If there is no affair, and it is just a friendship, there is no reason for it to be hidden from the spouse. I believe a man and woman can have a platonic relationship, as long as there is respect for something called boundaries. If either one oversteps the boundaries, all bets are off. If the spouse is a jealous person and has trust issues, hiding the relationship and having them find out later will just make it worse. I'll say it again: No trust equals no relationship.
It is far too easy to walk away from marriages these days. This is especially true when one spouse finds someone else who tickles their fancy a little more than their husband or wife. It doesn't have to be a sexual relationship. It can simply be a person who listens to their problems with a sympathetic ear, or laughs with them over silly things, and perhaps their spouse doesn't do that anymore. Instead of looking at this other person and thinking "he/she is so much better than my husband/wife," why not look at it with the attitude of "how can my spouse and I work on things so that we have this type of relationship again?" That alone may save a marriage or two. And there you have it ... my two cents."
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
