Cutters story

[chatterbug]

I decided because of our relationship being a very one sided giver taker relationship that I would enter plan B. I was sick of being a door-mat and I was being hurt by her constantly rubbing the affair in my face. So I decided that it was time she thought of me for a change. I decided that I needed to take control of my life and grow some.
So on the 22nd I started Plan B. This involved a communication to the OMW's and a phone call with her. She wanted to save her marriage as well and was involved in an EA of her own. So I gave her all the info I knew and also mentioned the trip to her.
I also contacted the last of our good friends who did not know what was going on.
I also contacted 3 of our close friends and stated that I would no longer be communicating with WAS unless it was important.
I also sent the Plan B letter to WAS and said left her the one way back. NC with OM and we can talk about our R.
This resulted in many emails , phone calls and Texts. I ended up listening to WAS at 3:30 in the morning for 20 minutes and just bit my tongue and stated over and over to read the letter. That was the last time I have heard her voice. The last time I saw her was on the 14th of Sept.

WAS first test was to come over and get some stuff from the house. Which was sent to me in email and text. Which I ignored. Finally one of the IM's sent me a message so I said yes.
I also kept receiving the odd text message asking if I had something I wanted to talk about. Which I ignored. And the odd one asking if I was enjoying a sporting event. I ignored.

I continued to Plan B and GAL. I kept in touch with close friends. Ordered some additional self help books and started to look at my life, values and what went wrong with the relationship. I also communicated with a few good friends on this and my mom.
I also got the house back in order and started to get repairs done on the house.
I do know that this was noticed by WAS as she was mentioning it before I kicked her out.

The stress of it all cost me 35 pounds. Which was were I was working towards anyways. So I am now at my ideal weight. I am going out with old friends. Being active in the community with coaching sports for children. Running 3 times a week ( I started this to run with WAS but decided to keep it going anyways as I was now enjoying it for myself. And I have worked my way up to 10KM 3 days a week )

I decided to get back my gonards as well.

So I am happy who I am. And I am at a point now where I just think of WAS 60% of the day. I keep busy. But at the same time I make sure I have some time to myself to reflect and learn more about myself.

The week the WAS was away with OM really killed me. Which was last week. But I wrote it out and delt with it. And talked it out with my Mom.

My Mom still had not talked to WAS since this all started so I convinced her to talk to WAS. I coached her on the fog and water off a ducks back. Mom did not want to do this as it was many weeks later and she was very angry as they had a very close relationship.

But an article appeared in the paper this past sunday. Which I will post a bit further down.

Well my MOM cut out the article and called WAS and told her to come over. WAS was there for 2 hours and still called her MOM and she too has lost a ton of weight. And MOM says that she has really aged over all this. MOM gave her the stick and when the fog came out she would just say. 'Why are you getting defensive I asked a question please answer it' She also really rubbed in the fact that WAS was keeping a father away from 3 children. WAS mentioned that everyone has just been guilting her over this choice and it is not stopping. Mom make WAS read the article. There were lots of tears and palms to the face.
Well the conversation ended with the carrot and some hints of my GAL's ( mentioned that i was running still which caught her by surprise ). WAS stated that I would never forgive her as I do not talk to her anymore. MOM replied that if she wants forgiveness that she has to work for it. And then she also left an opening for WAS to come back. They left the conversation with WAS asking to take the article to think about it. Also WAS stated she would call in a week. That night WAS emailed a friend asking for forgiveness for her actions. Next day WAS contacted the last side of our family that did not know about all this and told them. As I started to get messages from them. Which has really set me off Plan B'ing as I am just thinking about her all the time again.

So this is where I am at.

My plans are to continue to Plan B and GAL. I realized that this is a parallel path right at the beginning. It sets me up for my life as I want it. Be that by myself , R healing or starting from scratch again with another person. I have locked away a small bit of love for my wife and will continue to honour and respect my marriage vows until I am single again. Where I am located it is one year from seperation. I also know that I would try to work this out and build a better relationship with my wife. But I know that this has to be her choice as well. I will use this site to ask opinions and to talk out any issues I have.

I am proud that I did not give up. That I found an innerstrenght to reflect and begin to work out my issues I had with myself. I have avoided red wine and only have social drinks now. And I am liking this weight loss and being open to myself.

Opinions please of my continued plan B ?