Positive developments? #2

[LolaL]

Oh sweetie thats great!!! How long has it been since you have seen her?

[jon2911]

It's been 6 weeks. Just got a text asking if I'm busy Sunday night. I told her she's welcome then. I do have a U2/Muse concert Monday night, but I think she'll enjoy the night to herself. So excited to see U2! I'll be remembering MichelleLT's threads the whole time

[jon2911]

W texted that she'll come Sunday, that her laptop battery just arrived and she's excited.

I responded: "Great, we'll get your laptop up and running in no time"

Then I took a chance, and added "Dallas misses you". This goes back to our long-distance dating when I lived in Dallas and she was two hours away. I was nervous how she would respond.

Her response: ":-) cute see you then"

I liked this from the DB twitter today:
"Train yourself to notice the baby steps in your relationship and allow positive feelings when they occur."

[jon2911]

Now she wants to come in Saturday, and I won't be back from camping until Sunday. Strange, there must be something going on in Houston she really wants to get away from.

I think it's good that I'm camping, need to get away and I'm getting anxious with all these sudden changes. I realized she hasn't stayed a night here in 9 months. Wow. Fighting to keep my expectations low and just have a good time. I'm leaving her a letter "so glad you're here", but no flowers or anything. Will update when I can.

[LolaL]

I think it is good that you are camping too. Don't deviate from your plans, have a great time camping, and keep us posted. Might want to reconsider the note...

[MichelleLT]

Wow! I go on a hiatus and your W comes to visit! LOL

Keep focused on the baby steps - and there are TONS!

Can't wait to hear how this week has been going.

[jon2911]

Thanks so much for the support!

I left the note, left a couple lamps on for her, and took off to go camping. My friend's wife heard the sitch and asked "why in the world would you go camping when she's coming to visit?" My friend reminded her that this was last minute and it's better if I continue with my plans and show her I have a life. This couple has been through a recent affair and separation, and they get it. So cool to have friends like that.

Camping was great. Definitely what I needed because I had been growing very anxious over W's visit. By Saturday morning I had decided to cut it short, and my friend agreed. Give her some time to settle in but be back late evening. So all we missed was one morning of camping, no big deal.

W texted me at 3:00 that she had arrived, that the place looked good, and she was going to take a nap. I told her that the sheets were fresh, and that I'd be back at 10:00. Other nice texts during the day.

I got home earlier than expected, around 8:30, and took her out for dinner to our favorite Italian place. When we got back she was ready for bed, and I went to fill up my air mattress for myself. She asked in a quiet voice if I'd share the bed with her instead. This was huge. It's been over 5 months. I played it cool, didn't cuddle or anything, but that changed in the middle of the night, at her initiation...

Sunday we were supposed to go to the State Fair, but it was rainy and cold. Weather report was completely off. After breakfast, she said "well I guess we need to do taxes then." This ticked me off, after I cut short my camping trip and everything, and now she wanted to turn it into a work day. It's a strange tension when we're together, her wanting to be all business and me wanting to have a good time as well and build the relationship. She'd mentioned that she needed to leave on Tuesday, so I kept that in mind.

We talked about it and agreed to relax for a while and get some work done later in the evening. We went to our favorite Mexican place, and she mentioned some other of "our favorite places" we could visit over the next couple days. Good sign.

In the evening, I spent a couple hours fixing her laptop, and was successful in the end. It was very messed up, and I was worried she'd need a new one. While I did that, we chatted and she noticed that she still has dates back to 2004 on her Centro. So she proceeded to read them off, most involving me of course. This was interesting, I felt like asking "how do those make you feel?" or something like that, but decided not to. Just made comments here and there about things I remembered.

After the computer was fixed, and some taxes done, we celebrated by going out for hot chocolate and watching Sunshine Cleaning. I had Redboxed it, but she had already seen it three times, and made her sister watch it. She still really wanted to see it again. Great, great movie. And I got sad watching it, realizing that W lost her mom to cancer early in our marriage, but really several years before that in the divorce. Her mom's death was really the start of our downhill slide. She didn't want to deal with it and I didn't know how to help her. She still feels alone every time a mother-type situation or question comes up.

My friend called me in the evening, saying he had an extra floor ticket for Monday's U2 concert. Wow! He suggested I sell my nosebleed ticket and take his extra. W helped me try and find a buyer on Craigslist, couldn't come up with anything.

Sunday night was great, same result as before. I wondered if she would feel taken advantage of or there would be some backlash, but there didn't seem to be any. There's a big word that starts with an O, and it can be hard for W. She has such a hard time shutting her head off and enjoying the moment. Wasn't a problem either night this time.

Monday morning we worked on taxes, but got frustrated because there's still so much work to do. We're sending our receipts to an automated scanning service, Shoeboxed.com, but there's still a lot of work to do after that. Taxes are just a nightmare in our sitch. And I'm getting worried that we won't hit the 7% mark where we can deduct medical, so all this tracking and work will be for nothing. She left for a 1:00 doctor's appointment, which turns out had been the main reason she scheduled her plans around, and things were tense. She made a comment that we both procrastinate about this stuff. I told her we could work on them more in the afternoon until my concert, and again on Tuesday.

After she left, my friend called and he was driving from Austin to the show. Another friend of ours had agreed to buy my ticket. I quickly called W and explained that parking at the new Cowboys stadium is $75 and I really needed to ride with my friends. The only other option was to have her drop me off, which she didn't want to do. She got very upset, said "I'm not coming to Dallas for this again. We have a deadline here and you need to make a choice." I told her this concert had been planned for a long time. She got off, then texted "thanks for fixing my computer, call me tomorrow when you get a chance".

This brought a difficult choice. It's obvious she was leaving, and I hated that. I so rarely get to see her. I really didn't want this to end badly, but couldn't cancel my plans either. I felt so torn about it. I had my friends stay in the area for a bit while I waited for her to get back from the doctor. When she did, we had a good talk. I told her a U2 show isn't just show up at 7:00, it's really an all-day event, and I should have told her earlier. Also showed her more tax work I had done and how we could finish it together over the phone. She softened and said she'd originally been planning to leave right after her doctor's appointment any way, so this was OK.

As I was leaving to meet my friends I noticed for the first time a bottle of wine had been placed in the fridge. So, I guess W had been planning some craziness going into the weekend. Interesting;)

The U2 show was absolutely amazing, definitely one of those bucket list moments. And I'm going again in Oklahoma on Sunday! Great time with friends, and I didn't rearrange plans much for W, but didn't make her feel unimportant either. This really was a terrible time for her to come into town, but we made it work.

Hopefully it won't be long until the next time, but for now I'm worried about a salary negotiation with my boss, and taxes due, both on Thursday. Yikes!

[MichelleLT]

Wow!!! That's a lot to pack into a few days!

Lots of positives, some tough moments but it sounds like the communication was pretty good - so that's also a positive too!

Just focus on getting through this week and your GAL stuff.

She might pull back, or not. But regardless, you are going to make it a productive and fun week!

SO jealous about the U2 concert! The closest they came to me was 8 hours away, on a weekday night. Couldn't make it work unfortunately.

[jon2911]

Yep, I'm still recovering. Played in Hold 'Em tournament at church last night as well. Made it to the final table and finished fourth! Spent quite a while at the gym and hot tub the last couple nights, still sore after standing for 12 hours. Guys at church are calling it the Bono Hangover.

My ex-girlfriend just sent me a friend request on FB, makes me feel strange. Dated her right before we both married other people. FB is a strange place for me, because my status still says Married but I have no pics with W up, so it's pretty obvious something's up. And according to my C I need to honor W's request and tell people as little as absolutely possible. I've made some long-term friends here as well, and eventually want to find you all in the alt. Just a bit strange right now.

All right, off to bed.

[MichelleLT]

At first, I used my "normal" facebook page to friend people here. Then it got complicated, too many people, I was worried about STBXH finding out about this site, etc.

So, I created a second account using my screen name here with the privacy VERY locked down and friended everyone on that. A bit more effort to maintain two accounts, but took some of the stress off. Just an option.

The Bono Hangover would so be worth it though lol.



(((Jon))) Have a good end to the week!