That bath thing, that is the kind of thing my kids are always doing to get under each other's skin! You handled yourself so well. Isn't it hard sometimes to not roll your eyes or say something mean when they do these crazy things?
Wow.... he really will pick a fight over anything, won't he?! I know we've been here before, but remember, you are really not the source of his anger. But in his head, right now, it's all your fault. And when things don't go his way, that's going to be your fault, too. So be prepared!
You will have so much time and energy to devote to new things once you guys are no longer the same roof! Well done for the handling of yet another round.
Grace O-guy fighting over a bath, yup I wouldn`t have believed it either!
And, yes, TIF, it can be hard not to say something mean but I know that would only rebound back on me so I don`t go there!
Main thing, Cat, is that I was okay after it. I hate the unpredictable nature of these confrontations. I never seek them out and I am actively avoiding H these days, so that part is pretty wearing.
Knowing that I`m not actually the source of his anger Jeff does help me deal with it. I do feel sorry for him. He is in deep deep pain and hasn`t the wherewithall to dig himself out of that.And yes, he has a deep seated need to see me suffer.
Yesterday I was tired-it is very wearing-but I really try hard not to let him see that. He`ll be in for the kill if he sees me vulnerable. H was gone yesterday evening with S12 so I took that time to catch up on housework, on myself and went for a walk on the beach with D9. Meditation and early night last night so I`m on top of the world today.
Yes, SR, I really do see that I`ll have a new lease on life when H goes. The tension of living like this is energy sapping.
Its a gift too though.
This crisis has forced me to be a better person, better Mum, better friend. I`ve learnt so much else from it too so I can`t-well, I shouldn`t!-complain.
I do wonder though where I`d be if I hadn`t DBed.This place-and you people-have really taken me to this better place in myself. Detaching from H is the best thing I`ve done. Learning to be calm is a treasure I`ll have forever.
It means so much to me to read all your posts and hear you shouting from the sidelines. Thank you!
You sound so much more grounded. I am so proud of you.
What is coming is gonna be hard. You know that. But the things you have faced in the last year or so, with H and within yourself, sweetie that was even harder.
Don't rush yourself. Just keep going with your process, appreciating everything that God shows you, loving those kids and being grateful for the blessings in your life.
Have a great day sweetie!!!!!!
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Yup. I know I have problems in mylife knowing when to put the brakes on. But last night I took that just a tad too literally and ran a stop sign.
S14 and D9 were in the car-me doing taxi from party and golf-when I swerved to avoid a car, hit embankment and then suddenly the sickening sound of metal and glass as the car overturned.
We were calm. At least S and I were. I knew D was ok when I heard her scream. No smell of fuel, lots of light. and we talked to each other. Figuring out how to get ourselves out, hearing voices outside coming to help us.
No blood, no scratches, one seatbelt bruise, one sore wrist. We were ok!
We stood shivering on the roadside, found blankets and jackets, someone with a cellphone fro me to ring H. He was cold but satisfied that we were ok. He didn`t seem angry.
Soon, an assortment of blue lights flashing in the darkness, kind people asking how we were.
The occupants of the other car had one seatbelt injury from what the ambulance man could tell. Oh, thank God!
H took us to hospital. All loving and affectionate with D. Largely ignoring me. But I honestly(niavely?)think he didn`t know how to behave. Anyway, I didn`t say much. Just stayed calm, preoccupied with the unfolding scenario in A&E,counting my blessings. It could have been SO much worse!!
Hours later-precursry examinations and x rays done-S and I were discharged. They opted to keep D overnight as she had a small fracture in her wrist. H offered to stay. And really was good about it. But I wanted to be with her and knew I wouldn1t sleep too well at home wondering about her.
We`re back home now. I have to go clear stuff out of the car this evening. i don`t mind seeing how damaged it is-it`s a write off-and I know I was blessed with luck.
Haven`t quite figured out what this does to the general scheme of things. Certainly, I suspect H would prefer if I`d died there.I don`t know if I`ll be fit for mediation on Tuesday either.I don`t know what Gods plan is in this-just maybe to tell me to stop more often and take a break.
Oh I'm so sorry FG. I'm so glad you and your kids are okay! Scary stuff.
"Certainly, I suspect H would prefer if I'd died there."
Don't be so sure, FG. I think like you said, he just was probably overwhelmed and didn't know how to act. I would suspect that the possibility of losing his kids AND you would probably weigh on his mind pretty heavily.
I hope you are feeling better.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I agree with SoCo, don't assume anything about what H was thinking or feeling. Something like that is just terrifying from the outside and really takes time to process.
(((((((((HUGS))))))))
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I'm glad to hear that you and the kids are ok! That's the most important thing!
I don't think I would read much into H's words or actions one way or the other. I think he is probably pretty well shaken up, too. Even if he wasn't concerned about you (and I think he probably was), he was certainly worried about the kids. And probably pretty scared. Stress like that brings out the best and the worst in people, sometimes at the same time.
Unless you have to, I don't think I would make any decisions about Tuesday just yet. By tomorrow the shock of the accident will be wearing off, you will know every one is ok, and you may be fine to go ahead with things. If not, then postpone.
More hugs! And I am really glad no one was seriously hurt!
I'm so glad to hear you all were okay~ but I'm sure it was an experience that shook you up a lot.
I agree with everyone above about not assuming what your H may be feeling/thinking, especially in regards to you. You may be right in your assumption that he may not know how he is "supposed" to act. I am getting that from my H, too, sometimes it seems like he just isn't sure.
