So ... I've been quiet lately. I don't have anything to say to myself either. I'm trying to process all that has happened. It is pretty surreal. I feel kinda lost. It is hard to explain. I think I'm just lost in the processing. I have this pile of bills on my desk that I thought "you know, I'll deal with those later." I looked at the pile yesterday and thought "wow, it's been a month an a half, I JUST put those down. Where have I been?"
Getting the papers in the mail wasn't fun. But at least the waiting for it to happen is over. I'm actually sleeping again, which hasn't happened in ... well, I can't remember. There are no more milestones with her on the horizon. I guess it makes the letting go a little easier that way.
I'm sad that it came to this. It is such a waste of relationship potential. I'm dealing with the fact of her leaving much better than I am than the HOW of it. If she doesn't want me, I don't want her to stay. I'm confident that I'll be able to move on. I am confident that I'll be happy again. The biggest frustration is her absolute disappearance. I don't know what I expected, but this isn't it. Haha. I deserve so much more than I got from her. It's that part that I don't understand. I think I'm frustrated that she chose to leave the way she did. Like, I'm somehow offended that I wasn't allowed the opportunity to let her go. The whole thing was just forced on me. I have so many questions ... that I know I'm just not going to get an answer to. And I should. Even that isn't up to me.
I appreciate all the encouragement and support. I really do. You all rock.
