Is this the end of my marriage?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think I've dropped the ball and handed her the power / control that I had back. When I get it back again it will feel better.

Not sure about the ball, but the trick is to learn how to drop the ROPE, and to do it WITHOUT giving up your power.

Easier said than done, I know, but that's where you want to get to.

As for exposure, P, as most everyone on the board knows, I am very pro-exposure. But you need to be doing it for the right reasons (to try and save your marriage, and exert some pro-M influence where you can count on it), and not out of spite. And it should always be done with a very SMALL group of select people (OM/OW's spouse, employer if affair is happening at work, your adult children, in-laws). Going "scorched-earth" with a wide circle of people is NOT the way to go, it'll come across as vindictive, and you'll wish later on that you hadn't told so many people.

However, you don't have to lie for her, nor should you. "I will no longer lie to cover up your affair" should be your position. If someone is merely a friend or an acquaintance asks, you should say only that "we're having some problems, and we're working thru them." If a close family member or BEST friend asks, or an adult child, I believe you should tell them the truth, but let them know that you still love her and wish to save the marriage, and ask for their discretion, prayers and support.

Puppy

[P17]

Sounds like she's DBing you.

That's not good. Can you explain (books getting read tonight :-))?

Do you know what, I'm actually off to read the DR book now. Sod work! It's only 3.30pm in the UK but I'm now running a bath (I do my best reading in a bath) and off to read the book for a few hours.

[K4D]

I do my best reading in a bath

How do you keep the book from getting wet?

K4D

[P17]

I keep it above the water :-)

[K4D]

I shouldn't have asked. lol.

K4D

[P17]

Sounds like she's DBing you.

That's not good. Can you explain (books getting read tonight :-))?

Do you know what, I'm actually off to read the DR book now. Sod work! It's only 3.30pm in the UK but I'm now running a bath (I do my best reading in a bath) and off to read the book for a few hours.

PDT,

I thought I'd requote this message in case you miss in in the thread - curious as to what you mean by her DB'ing me as that doesn't sound good.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She's detaching, GALing and doing 180s on you.

And frankly, she's doing a better job of it than you are (so far). That's not a criticism; just an observation, and you wouldn't be the first LBS who's been DB'd by a WAS. But it does appear to me that that's what she's doing.

Puppy

[P17]

She's detaching, GALing and doing 180s on you.

And frankly, she's doing a better job of it than you are (so far). That's not a criticism; just an observation, and you wouldn't be the first LBS who's been DB'd by a WAS. But it does appear to me that that's what she's doing.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing (ie. is she doing it to string me along, wants me back, cares or is she doing it to get away from me)?

Obviously I do it because I want to get her to take notice of me because I want to sort the marriage out. I assume the WAS's don't do it for the same reasons?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

No, they don't do it for the same reasons. But it's STILL effective, isn't it? Notice how much you are attracted to her, the more she backs away!

Puppy

[bluerain]

Hi P17, puppy is right, the more that you get into this, the more you will see that DBing and its principles can be used in almost any type of relationship you enter into. Shes doing it to you, and its going to sabotage your efforts if you let it!