I think I've dropped the ball and handed her the power / control that I had back. When I get it back again it will feel better.
Not sure about the ball, but the trick is to learn how to drop the ROPE, and to do it WITHOUT giving up your power.
Easier said than done, I know, but that's where you want to get to.
As for exposure, P, as most everyone on the board knows, I am very pro-exposure. But you need to be doing it for the right reasons (to try and save your marriage, and exert some pro-M influence where you can count on it), and not out of spite. And it should always be done with a very SMALL group of select people (OM/OW's spouse, employer if affair is happening at work, your adult children, in-laws). Going "scorched-earth" with a wide circle of people is NOT the way to go, it'll come across as vindictive, and you'll wish later on that you hadn't told so many people.
However, you don't have to lie for her, nor should you. "I will no longer lie to cover up your affair" should be your position. If someone is merely a friend or an acquaintance asks, you should say only that "we're having some problems, and we're working thru them." If a close family member or BEST friend asks, or an adult child, I believe you should tell them the truth, but let them know that you still love her and wish to save the marriage, and ask for their discretion, prayers and support.
