So, here is the next big issue (once we get past the sleeping arrangements). Our anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. What to do?
I have (and want) to do something to acknowledge it. I don't think I'm in the LRT stage anymore. So, the tread very lightly approach does not seem appropriate. My C in my last session told me he thought I would err on the side of "under doing it." He's probably right.
So, somewhere between a card and a romantic dinner and evening at a nice hotel is what feels appropriate. I want her to know I love her, even if she can't tell me that (or feel that for me) right now.
I vote for nice dinner out. Now granted, that comes my my primary LL, which is QT but as a woman, I love dinner at a classy place with good food. White table cloth, low lights, wine glasses waiting on the table, etc. Let the 'romantic' aspect be a little subliminal and secondary. And if you eat dessert and it's cake, be sure to tell her that you like hers better.
I got my H a card, but a lower-amped card than usual - no heavy lovey-dovey stuff. The outside had a drawing of a bunny hugging himself and it said, "Just a hug...Just for you...(open card)...Just because." I wrote in the Happy Anniversary part by hand.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
My vote is don't bring it up. You offered in Disney, right? She said no, right? When she is ready, she'll let you know. It's pressure. Just my 2 cents. I'd do what Dia said worked for her - work on some simpler physical contact first - hand holding, cuddling or something - and let that sit a while. The bed is a big step. Start with baby steps.
I know you aren't needy. You've been detached for a long time. But if she isn't ready, she'll feel pressured anyhow. It should be about what she wants, I think.
I agree with Hope on this one. You made the offer just last weekk and she wasn't comfortable with it.
Another way to look at it is that if you're courting her you can't ask her to sleep in your bed if you can't even hold her hand. Working on the physical contact stuff seems like the next step from where I sit.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Well, I did make the offer this weekend, but did not clarify I only wanted her presence.
Here's where I'm at this morning. I think I need to push a little bit and see what her reaction is. My C put it as "invade her space" slightly and see how she reacts.
So, this morning, I wrote a quick note to her that said "Just a quick note to tell you I had fun on our Disney trip and to tell you how great you looked this morning. I hope you have a good day. -GIMA." I left the note on the dashboard of her car so she would fin it later today, after I left. I left notes like this for her early in our R, usually taped to a bathroom mirro or tucked in a drawer.
In response, she IM'd me and said "Thanks for the note. Hope you have a good day."
So, this morning, I wrote a quick note to her that said "Just a quick note to tell you I had fun on our Disney trip and to tell you how great you looked this morning. I hope you have a good day. -GIMA." I left the note on the dashboard of her car so she would fin it later today, after I left. I left notes like this for her early in our R, usually taped to a bathroom mirro or tucked in a drawer.
In response, she IM'd me and said "Thanks for the note. Hope you have a good day."
Apparently, I did not upset the apple cart with the note. She has sent me more IM's this morning about other, unrelated issues. All positive.
I also sent flowers to my grandmother today (her birthday). In the past, W took care of this type of thing. But, I took care of it, sent flowers from me, W and kids, then IM'd W I did it. She thanked me and said "Cool!"
