Today is our oldest daughters b-day. She is 11 years old.
We're doing dinner tonight as a family, I pray that I will be strong and make this about our daughter. I know we can.
It is so tough, on those days that you remember something specifically from your history, to get through. 11 years ago tonight was the happiest and scariest night of my life. 11 years ago this past March we found out we were going to be parents, in the next 7 months, we got married, started new jobs, bought a family car and a house and then had our daughter in October. For the next 8 years, things were pretty good. The last three they have been tough.
All I want is my family back. Divorce shouldn't be this easy, people should not be allowed to just give up. I don't want to give up, but am having a very weak day. It's been several days since I had a weak day and I guess I am making up for it now.
It hurts me to know that my W will be on her own tonight, after the party for our daughter, spending the night away from her. Thinking of that night 11 years ago when, in reality, our family started for two early 20s kids who had no idea what they were doing.
Things don't look anymore negative lately, no papers filed, but she says that we will by the end of next week. The house "for sale" sign is still not up, she accidentally called me "sweetie" the other day, but I know all of these things can be discounted as slip-ups or explained away with reasons other than her not wanting a divorce, but I gain hope from them, only to realize that her words still point to divorce. I don't want a divorce.
We haven't talked much this week, that is probably good, but I worry it just means we are both slowly but surely moving on.
It has been 6-weeks. 3 have been with me using the DB techniques. I know that isn't enough. I know that it will take more time, but do I believe in these "signs" as evidence that things are working, or just discount it as the normal process of doubt someone goes through before they ultimately do divorce?
