P17, I haven't been on your side of the fense, but I know how hard some things are when you are being mistreated and you want your family & friends to know the truth. From what you've said, most of them already know what is going on and that is why they are encouraging you to D her. I want you to read the book first, and read some more on the board. There are a couple of threads here on the board about people's opinions of exposure, so that might give you a better handle on it. If her OM has moved into the house with her, I don't see where that would be very secretive and it seems that it would be public knowledge at some point. At any rate, try to rest your mind & emotions some and make sure you are stable before you do anything.

If you daughter is needing to spend time with your W, then that proves you have that R to consider. Your D is old enough that she should be able to put two & two together and see what your W is doing and that that is wrong. I'm sure she feels a lot of pain from your W leaving her. I just can't understand why your FIL would buy a house that close to you unless he was thinkng it would be instrumental in getting the two of you back together. Does he not know about the OM? That is pouring salt in the wound everytime you have to look that direction and see her house. I don't think that would be a good environment to think about continuing living there in the future. Maybe things will change and you won't have to deal with that part of it for a long period of time.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!