Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

This is probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. It's like trying to run a marathon with no end flag - you're never sure if you're going to get there so you keep wondering if it's worth continuing. If there was a flag on the road saying '100 miles to the end' or even 'there might be an end' you'd keep going. To keep going though in blind faith sometimes doesn't make much sense. I suppose everybody goes through that.

What I was trying to say, badly, was that there are no signals from her that she even still cares about me. I thought the noticing the boots, gym etc. was her showing that she is still 'checking me out' but as Puppy said, I'm reading way too much into it. If there was a signal that there is still something there then it would be so much easier. I just wonder how you guys stick it out for a year, 18 months or even 2 years when all the while you're WAS is living with and sleeping with somebody else?!!?

I think I've dropped the ball and handed her the power / control that I had back. When I get it back again it will feel better.

I really hope the books come today!