What do I do? Do you ever get over the feelings when you see them? Should you not want to get along and want to be together for the R purposes and D best interest?
At first, I was over at my old house a lot, thinking it was in the best interest of the girls to still have us together as a family.
W said on a couple of occasions it was if I never left -- and not in a nice way.
Now, I've got it worked out that I never have to see W. I pick up the kids from the house from the after school sitter before W gets home. In the morning, we live so close, they can get on their same bus routes just from different stops.
So I only have to deal with W by phone and I try to mostly do it by text. When we talk and especially when I see her it brings back a flood of emotions so I'm trying to see her as little as possible.
I guess this is a 180. I was finding reasons to see her this summer and now I'm only dealing with her when I have to. This seems counterintuitive to rebuilding the relationship, but time after time on this board they preach that you have to move on emotionally and let them miss you -- if they are going to. This is the best way for me.
Of course, I'm in a good situation relatively speaking. Because of my W's job, I see my girls every day after school for an hour. I get them one week night every week -- and she's asked me to take them additional nights to catch up on work -- and every other weekend.
On those weekends, I pick them up on Friday and put them on the bus on Monday. Three nights and two full days.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Thanks CTH for the feedback!!! I really struggle with whether to try to talk to the X or just try and avoid her all together. It is hard. Like you said, she is so disrepectful when I do talk with her, I just want to not talk to her. She has a lot to work through herself still. But it saddens me so to think how we are at this stage and have a child in the middle of it. How can they be so cruel and hard hearted? I try to be upbeat and positive and the X will suck the life out of me quick. She tries to tear me down as much as possible. what is going through thier minds?
In my W's case, I believe she doesn't want to lead me on. I've been out of the house five months but on four separate occasions asked about counseling, or a marriage class.
So I never really stopped pursuing. A DB counselor -- Dottie -- told me since my W first mentioned divorce five years ago that she's been mulling this over for years so it's going to take a long time for her to miss me or think of changing.
The last rebuff of a request for counseling was so cold-hearted it actually did me a lot of good. I feel I was finally able to emotionally let go. I've had almost no emotional pangs of pain since the day after that conversation.
Of course, it's only been a week. I'm sure there's other shoes to drop.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
[/quote] In my W's case, I believe she doesn't want to lead me on. I've been out of the house five months but on four separate occasions asked about counseling, or a marriage class. [/quote]
CTH, I think you are most likely correct. I think my X wants me to feel like there is absolutely no chance of me even thinking of getting back together so she takes the proactive approach and dogs me out on the front end.
She has told me previously she has to be mean to me or else I would be mean to her (which I don't think I really ever have). We have had a few heated discussions, but only a few really.
It is funny how she makes it a point to tell me that I have not changed a bit, that I have not learned anything (assumeing about our breakup). I have heard another common friend tell me that she was saying too little too late. Wow.. She never really looks at what she brought into this mix.
When I tried to reconcile previously, she told me her friends would be upset with her if she did. She also told me that it would be a good deal for me to reconcile, but not really so much for her. Wow again. We do have a child together. Talk about short sighted.
We have been separated for over two years now. One would think the anger would subside by now. Maybe to a certain degree it has, but it is still there for sure.
In my W's case, I believe she doesn't want to lead me on. I've been out of the house five months but on four separate occasions asked about counseling, or a marriage class.
CTH, I think you are correct my X wants me to feel like there is absolutely no chance of even thinking of getting back together. So she takes the proactive approach and dogs me out on the front end.
She has previously said she must be mean to me or else I would be mean to her (which I don't believe I really ever have). We have had a few heated discussions, but only a few really.
It is funny how she makes it a point to tell me that I have not changed a bit, that I have not learned anything (assumeing about our breakup). I have heard another common friend tell me that she was saying too little too late. Wow.. She never really looks at what she brought into this mix.
When I tried to reconcile previously, she told me her friends would be upset with her if she did. She also told me that it would be a good deal for me to reconcile, but not really so much for her. Wow again. We do have a child together. Talk about short sighted.
We have been separated for over two years now. One would think the anger would subside by now. Maybe to a certain degree it has, but it is still there for sure.
She asked me the other day if I was having my D around OW. I asked why she even asked me that question and I asked her if she had my D around her BFs. Usually If I ask anything on her side she is flippin. She said she did answer me and that she does not have a BF. Why would she even tell me that?
We have been separated for over two years now. One would think the anger would subside by now. Maybe to a certain degree it has, but it is still there for sure.
You separated shortly after the baby was born? I'm just at five months and I don't really want to be married by the end of April -- my next anniversary. How have you held on so long already?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
You separated shortly after the baby was born? I'm just at five months and I don't really want to be married by the end of April -- my next anniversary. How have you held on so long already?
We did separate when my D was about 6 months old. Crazy how it all unfolded. Petty really. But there we were. We were never really married and I have dated some since we separated. I am sure she has too. Hard to get very close to someone else when you feel like you should be working it out with my D's mom.
The X has been a trip the entire time. We had court ordered mandatory counseling until the counselor deemed it was no longer needed. we went to eight sessions and the benefits needed to be transferred over. The X decided she no longer was going. Her atty agreed she did not have to go. Since then I had to get an atty and initially she said it would do no good to make her go to counseling bc she will not chg. I have requested to enforce the court order and go bc she is so verbally abusive I feel it is so unhealthy for all of us. I hope it is the right course of action.
I also keep pretty busy with training in my job. I had to be out of town several times for extended periods. That helps a lot to make the time fly by. I have also spent plenty of time with my Ds. Before I looked up it has been that long.
Well never legally married. We dated and lived together for extended periods. We have a D together. It is very much like we were married and going through a D now.
I broke down and called the X a couple times today. The first time to see if she did indeed get my email and I asked her if she finally made it back last night (because when I dropped off my D, X was not there.
Second time to see if I could get my D and if she would send me a pic I have asked for almost a year.
She is so disrespectful and could really care less to talk to me. I am on the inside totally thinking how much I just want to get along with the mother of my child and can't beleive we are like this. It really is like venom in th veins, a kick in the stomach.
