Newbie (again)

[mishka422]

When I got in, my cousin asked if I felt any better, truth in the matter, no, I feel worse.

Umm....yeah. Didn't I warn you about that? Yes, I think so...right here.

Trust me, it's not pretty and there will be a lot more tears before you get to the happy, but they are all worth it. Every week I walk into therapy with the determination not to cry this week. I cry every time, apologize to the therapist for my breakdown, and she reminds me that I have to let it out and crying is my medium for that.

It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile in life is easy.

I'm not sure I understand this statement though.

I seriously don't think any good can transpire without the first hand rationale of XW.

What exactly does she have to do with anything? This is not about her and why she did what she did. Not really. This is about you and your reactions to it. You are giving that woman FAR too much power over your wellbeing. STOP IT!

Ok, so deep down in a dark hole inside you still harbor love for her. Guess what? I'll bet every last person here has the same feeling. I know for a fact there is a part of me that still loves Gabe and always will, but he is not my H anymore, he destroyed our family and that can never be fixed. I love him, but only because of shared history, a mutual story, and our son. When I see him I see the misery in his eyes. It used to hurt me to see it because I knew it didn't have to be there if he would just wake up and figure out what he did to get himself in this situation. Now, the same misery is there but it no longer pains me. He's made his bed, now he gets to wallow in the filth of it!

It's good that you can tell someone the good things about your xw. But you also need to expound on the bad. Please tell me you aren't about to make her out to be some sort of saint in front of the psych. That won't do you a bit of good. None of this is getting back to your xw you know.