With my Dday approaching in about 3 1/2 weeks my DB coach suggested that I give H a letter to ask him to consider postponing or canceling the final D for now. I have DB'ed my heart out the past 12 months and I see this as one more step in that process. I would really appreciate feedback from people as I work toward a final version. I'm chatting with my coach this weekend to finalize the letter. Thanks folks! Letter is below:
H,
I have really appreciated that we’ve been able to reconnect and establish a new facet of our relationship. We’ve worked through a lot of challenging feelings and come out the other side with a new type of relationship that is perhaps richer for its genuine caring in spite of the difficult time we’ve been through and the weaknesses we each have.
I’ve got to be honest with you that I had hoped we would be able to find our way back to being a couple again. I want you to know that I still care very much about you. I understand what prompted you to initiate our separation and I am very sorry for the pain that I caused you. If I could take back the things I did that contributed to this situation I would, but then perhaps we would have both missed this opportunity to grow. I have found our separation to be healthy and personally enlightening. I am now making better choices in my work, for my health, and enjoying life much more!
You are probably aware that the date of our divorce is approaching. I just want you to know that it is still my desire to see where our new relationship might lead us before we do something so official and final. I wonder if you would consider canceling this imminent deadline. We were incredibly happy not that long ago. In spite of the events of the past year I still care deeply for you and I can tell that you continue to have special feelings for me. We made many wonderful memories together! I sincerely think that with the knowledge we have both gained from the past year we have a real opportunity to see whether our rekindled friendship has the potential to lead to a new relationship that is even happier, wiser, and more mutually rewarding than before. I would assume the financial responsibility of refiling if in the future you still consider divorce to be the best course of action.
Please think about this. If this is something that you do not want to consider, I will be moving forward with my life. This will mean moving forward with new relationships with the intent of finding someone with whom to share the rest of my life. I have not done that before now because I wanted to give my best effort to our marriage.
I have no regrets about any of what has transpired between us as I believe these things were necessary to help us break free from old, self-defeating behaviors and beliefs. I am a much better person because of what I have learned from “us”. I now know that I have a much deeper capacity for love and forgiveness than I ever imagined. I am at peace and I wish us both well.
