DID XH M OW or not??

[peacetoday]

I dont know what I feel anymore

I decided I would not talk to xh anymore except in emergencies
this is hard as we work together, but Im so tired of his BS
He is disrespectfu; and constantly angry at me
A friend said he is angry b/c I made him look at himself
I set boundries..I stopped the party at work
My brother told me today a little about OW
b/c H and brothre both worked there at the time of OW was secretary in 2005
We tracked it back and brother shared..it made me sick
He thought OW was a leech looking for a free ride
she came here from anoither state with a guy--left her only child
smokes drinks and parties
had breast surgery
was 24 at time..attractive
she went with H full knowing the truth
together they hid it from me and brother
I had such a bad feeling about my xh today
how he planned this
the affair..he had money coming in and he wanted to be a bigshot
How he never thought about how much pain I was in or how the kids would be
and still doesnt care..he is pathetic
I do not think I want to have any kind of R with him
he is abusive angry and inconsistant

to change the note
Im having some closeness with BF and Im not sure I want this either
I do not want to get into another R
Maybe a light friendship but nothing serious
this is hard and I know He is not what I want..timing is off
yet everything flows so easy
this phase is so cocnfusing b/c it is the easiest phase in any R
the attraction
everything is fun, easy and almost perfect--that is not real
so I need to take a few steps back here to figure this out
Peace