Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[etrain]

I think she's going to script her way to a L to file for D.
If it's any consolation, it doesn't look like OM responded to her IM.

Now I'm just sitting back, waiting for her to present me with her "wish list"/contract. The woman I married wasn't cold & calculated like this. What the hell happened to her???

[Hope4us]

She knows. She was working on a "what I'd like to take with me from the house" list this evening while I was out playing b-ball...typed it up like a contract where we'd both sign at the bottom. And she was checking our bank accts online.
She also tried to contact OM...logging in thru work email/IM on our home PC.

You're missing the point E. It may appear she knows what she's doing, and in her mind and her outward appearance may look like it, but she's being driven by those addictive brain chemicals right now. I've heard some people describe it as your W was abducted by aliens and one of them came back in her body. Looks like her, but doesn't act like her.

You need to quit worrying about what she's doing or going to do. Easier said than done. I know.

Right now, everything is a f'd up mess in your mind also. It's like getting run over by a truck and your spouse leaves you in the road so you can get hit again.

But the sooner you detach from what she's doing or you think she's going to do, the better you can make a PLAN. Because for you to get your spouse back (if that's what you want and no one would blame you if you don't), you're in for the long haul and will have to do some pretty counterintuitive stuff.

For now you need to get control of your emotions and take care of yourself.

If she tried to contact OM, I would bet it's because things aren't going so well at home for him and he's told her they need to cool it and now she's in a panic. Her pushing ahead with what you suspect is her plan to move out is probably an attempt to win OM by saying, "I have my own place and we can be together". But it won't last.

You need to protect yourself. Puppy told you earlier to protect your finances. DO IT TOMORROW.

Give this A time to implode. I told you before it will take a while for it to end after you told OMW. Give it time.

And do something for you to take your mind off what she's doing.

[Hope4us]

The woman I married wasn't cold & calculated like this. What the hell happened to her???

See previous note re: aliens.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think she's going to script her way to a L to file for D.
If it's any consolation, it doesn't look like OM responded to her IM.

Now I'm just sitting back, waiting for her to present me with her "wish list"/contract. The woman I married wasn't cold & calculated like this. What the hell happened to her???

Don't worry, it's not permanent. I promise. Her brain is awash with looooove chemicals right now.

Puppy

[sandi2]

The woman I married wasn't cold & calculated like this. What the hell happened to her???

The woman you married is gone. Don't forget that fact or you will be left without a penny to your name......and you will still be scratching your head wondering what happen to the girl you M. I am not being sarcastic. I am trying to tell you that what you never thought would happen is happening to you right now. You do need to protect yourself financially b/c you cannot afford to trust a WAS. They are not that loving person you once knew. Someday....hopefully, she'll return, but until then you have to act on this.

[etrain]

I need to get to the bank TODAY. We don't have a lot of $$ in the bank but I have to protect what is there. At the very least, I need to set up a new checking acct for my paycheck to get DD into.
On W's "wish list", she listed wanting to take 1/2 of our savings acct, which is fair. I just have to make sure nothing else disappears in the meantime.

Also, I'm pretty sure there's a 2nd EA in the picture...another coworker but this one works in the same office. W & him have been friends & she's even friends with his W. She spent a good amount of time gazing at his pictures on Facebook last night and has even picked up some of his hobbies over the past few months...guitar, photography. It's almost like he's an EA but the out of town coworker is the prospective PA. She certainly seems to be lining up her options.

[etrain]

Just took the first step to protecting our bank accounts...changed our online banking password. Otherwise, W could access everything, even the new acct I'll be opening up today.
It's so tragic that we've gone from best friends & partners to adversaries sneaking around behind each other's backs to protect ourselves.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

E,

Once you've made all the financial moves, I suggest you calmly tell your wife. You don't want to appear to be "keeping secrets" like she is, and it's The Right Thing to Do.

Just say "considering some of the decisions you've been making recently, I thought it best to protect myself and our son." If she gets pissed (and she will), just validate and say "I understand you're angry right now. I did what I felt I needed to do in order to protect myself and our son, and as a courtesy, I felt you should know. I don't expect you to agree with me."

Assure her (and it would be a good idea to do it in writing, so that you have a copy) that you will continue to pay for the family's NEEDS, but that you will in no way financially enable her affair, and you're just trying to protect yourself.

If an expense is in doubt -- esp. if it involves your son -- err on the side of paying it. But I certainly wouldn't pay for her cellphone, for starters, nor anything else that she is directly using to run away from the marriage.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

P.S.

Make sure you include JOINT CREDIT CARDS and any JOINT LINES OF CREDIT -- not just cash accounts.

[etrain]

P.S.

Make sure you include JOINT CREDIT CARDS and any JOINT LINES OF CREDIT -- not just cash accounts.

Yes, I need to look at EVERYTHING. I only have 1 credit card that I use & I'm honestly not sure if W has access to it. I'll be making a call on that today.
Also calling another lawyer to set up an appt.