You did an awesome job - you had no expectations, you were chipper, had good conversation, and you caught yourself before you said something that you might have regretted. You did it! You go girl! : ) I'm proud of you too.
I know it's hard to have an intimate moment and then have your H leave. But...like you said, it was a great night and progress was made. And he called this morning and even made a nice comment about the night. Woo Hoo!
Keep up the good work. Keep doing what you are doing. I know it felt amazing to have a good night with him to celebrate your anniversary.
Yay again! : )
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Thanks guys. It was nice while it lasted. Actually, I can't really complain. In our situations, this was a milestone. But you can't blame me for wanting more!
H came by to see the kids tonight. He was supposed to come with us to go see mutual friends and their newborn. He called with some weak excuse shortly before we were to leave. No shocker there but still a disappointment. He ended up coming here around 6pm. This was the first time we saw each other since our big night and you would have thought that that night didn't even happen. Weird.
I was afraid I'd either say something bad or show an emotion I didn't want so I went to read in my room. What can you do? H is off of work tomorrow and says he's planning on spending the entire day over here doing house stuff. That is a long time!
I. Must. Find. Something. To. Do.
Last edited by LuLu; 10/13/0901:06 AM. Reason: spelling
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
Oh yikes..it's all so frustrating. But, you have the right attitude and you are right - your Saturday night was a milestone.
Smart choice to just read in your room. Keep us posted about how tomorrow goes. Hum...maybe you could leave the girls with him, look cute/smell good and head out for a bit. Let him wonder what you are doing and why you are looking so good doing it. : ) Maybe you have a lunch "date"?
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Uneventful. That's all I can say. I was boring and ran some errands today and he cleaned the outside of the house. I did notice that he made mention of future financial talk that wasn't in the divorce theme. Very interesting.
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
Uneventful is better than any drama so I'd say today turned out pretty good - especially with the mention of future financial stuff.
It's interesting that your H had the day off and he made the choice to be at your house.
My H does the same kind of outside work - mows the lawn, shovels the snow, takes care of the pool. I find it interesting since he's not living here, but I'm thankful for sure.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
What's with them doing that? I mowed the yard once since all this happened and offered several times after. I told him he didn't have to do it, he replied pretty adamantly, I WANT to do it. I don't fight it now. I do thank him though.
Is it their guilt? Is it them trying to keep one foot in the door, is their machismo? Strange. I'm like you, I'm thankful as well.
On a different note, I've been noticing that he's been giving me a lot of information. I don't know if it's truthful but it's different. Tonight we were talking schedules and who's got what weekend plans. He told me that he couldn't be around on Oct 30th. I replied, okay. Brief moment of silence. He pipes in, "I'm going to blah blah concert house". I reply, "Oh okay". He chimes in again, "I'm going to see so and so who's the lead singer from so and so band with a guy from work". Here's me thinking to myself <why are you telling me this> but I say to him, "Oh wow! That sounds like a lot of fun".
Interesting huh?
On another note, he made mention the other day about how he never knows what I'm doing because I'm so secretive. I just smiled. Haha.
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
We were all supposed to go the State Fair next Saturday. H, me, girls and grandma & grandpa (my stepdad). I spoke to my mother today about the tickets and she tells me that they can't go. After a bunch of lame excuses, it comes out that my stepdad is not ready to see my H. Keep in mind they don't even know about the affair, just the separation.
My girls had the best time with Grandma & Grandpa at the fair last year and are looking forward to it again. I spoke to my stepdad and he tells he can't do it. He's not capable of faking it with H. There was never any falling out or anything like that with them. My mother tells me that Stepdad had his feelings hurt and I should see it from his point of view. I was so taken aback. This isn't about him! I can't believe that crap. I told him that the only victims here are the girls. Ughh. Why are people so selfish?!
To top it all off, my mother will be away for Thanksgiving so I am doing Thanksgiving here. H is coming too. I went for bust today and asked stepdad, "does that mean you're not coming for Thanksgiving either?" He replies, "If H is going than no". I said, "good to know". WTF is the matter with people?!
Keep in mind, my own father was accepting of H and even spent time with him when he was visiting.
Me 37 H 41 2-dd's (2,3) T-14 M-10 D-Day 6/18/09 (MOW ended their brief "love" affair a few weeks later) Separated- 7/3/09
Ugh...I'll start with the work around the house - I'm not sure why they do it. The outside stuff has always been my H's thing. Is it guilt? IDK...he doesn't seem to feel guilt about anything else. Does yours? Why would he give a rat's behind if the lawn is mowed? He deosn't see it much anyway. In all the time we've been together, I've never mowed. ha...that makes me sound lazy, but I'm not. He always mowed, swept out the garage, took care of the outdoor plants and I did everything inside - which ends up being a heck of a lot more work. I remember last winter asking him to show me how to use the snow blower bc we kept getting inch after inch of snow. Before I know it, I'll be out there again trying to figure it out. : (
That is interesting that your H is volunteering information. Hum...How did he respond in the past when you asked him questions about his plans? My H would act like such an a**. He would get all crappy and tell me it was none of my business. It would fill me with INTENSE, HOT ANGER.
Just the other day he made some comment that he was at a football game on a rainy weekend (a weekend that I didn't see him). I caught myself before falling into my old habit of asking with who, etc. It surprised me that he decided to tell me what he did.
Being secretive is good! You have him wondering!
I'm so sorry that your stepdad is acting like that way. Okay sorry, but...boo hoo, stepdad. Get over it. He had his feelings hurt? How about YOUR feelings? If you can work towards forgiving your H, how can he not? That's really unfair to you and your girls. I realize that going to the fair might be a little uncomfortable or akward for your mom and stepdad, but this isn't about them...it's for their granddaugthers! I truly wish he could see that. Would what he say to your daughter if she asked him about going? Hum...bet stepded wouldn't want to hurt her by saying, "I'm not going bc your daddy is a jerk."
And then the whole Thanksgiving issue. : ( I'm sorry. My sister gets that same kind of attitude about my H. I guess they love us and care about us and feel like we deserve better. At least that's how my sister looks at things. She told my H off in a text message about a year ago. Thankfully, she's been nice the last couple of times she's seen him.
Anyway, the concern our family members have for us doesn't make it okay - since we are not in unsafe marriages, they need to support us. It's like what I said before, they need to forgive our spouses since that's what we are trying to do. How is holding a grudge ever going to help?
Again, I'm sorry. I know how frustrated and disappointed you must be. I'll be praying you, me and the rest of the people on here trying to save our marriages.
((((hugs))))
Last edited by courts0818; 10/16/0903:42 AM.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Hi lulu, wanted to check in on you and see how your date went. ^^ wow had a great night and you handled things very well.
Sorry about how your family is handling it. You cant make them accept or forgive anymore than you can your H. Sucks they put you in that position.
Being secretive DOES work. Even in my sitch it got my h checking up on me, altho no contact. Funny how that works huh? As long as youre having fun. Even if youre not, he doesnt need to know that right?
