W called a little bit ago to tell me S got in trouble for talking in school today. S was concerned that W was upset. W turned it into some deep seeded 'issue' like she does with everything anymore. It's all aout how her feelings shouldn't be so important to her. He should be more concerned with his own feelings blah, blah, blah. Why the F can't it just be that a little boy got in trouble and doesn want Mom to be upset with him? Why does everything need to be treated as it's some end of the world psychological issue?
I told her that I thought it was pretty normal for a kid to be concerned when Mom is disappointed. She blew me off and didn't even acknowledge that she heard me so I restated my point in a different way. She got pissed. Once again I am trying to control her into thinking my way.
My guess is that she felt not heard when you "control her into thinking your way" and think things like "blah blah blah." As a woman, this would upset me, and it seems to be a common communication problem between men and women.
I think if you try hearing, validating, and reflecting back to her what she is feeling - she would feel better and not need to blow you off. She might then feel more open to listening to you.
It works with my H. I shut up and listen first. Especially if I'm angry and disagree. It often softens him up to see the other side when he feels heard first.
Really, it's your only hope. Sure it would be great if they heard our feelings first. But do you think they are in any mood for that? No. They are leaving. The only way for them to care at all about how we feel is for us to show our 180's - be very empathetic and open to their feelings and viewpoints.
