I leave for PIT in the morning and it's a whirlwind tour. In and out the same day. I have to get to BDL by 5:30..YIKES. That means I have to get up at 4am. UGH. I'm going to watch some of the Biggest Loser and get myself to bed.
This past weekend really shaped up quite nicely. He went to a fair with us and we literally spent a whole day doing as a family what DD and I usually do alone each weekend. We picked our her Halloween costume and actually ended up making love on Sunday night. Very passionate and steamy. He even went to a family event with me Sunday. I didn't ask him to do any of this. This was all intiated by him. THEN...Monday comes and I take the day off of work because DD's daycare is closed. He ends up going bowling and coming home in teh wee hours of this morning. No explaination...jsut out with the guys. He's smelling of cologne and wearing his "watch out ladies, here I come" shirt. This morning he never even said goodmorning and now kiss/hug goodbye which has been standard. Freeze out completely. I text him two things about insurance and DD today with no response. So.....I come home expecting Mr. freeze but it's instead just a small cold front. I'm back to the roommate that helps pay the mortgage. LOL
This makes me realize that Oldtimer is so right. I really need to concentrate on my needs and what I want and getting my self respect and self love back. These last 7 months have taken a great deal out of me and I need to get my head back on straight and I have to do that if I stay married or not.
So, today, even though I had very little sleep from staying up laying in bed staring at the ceiling, I kicked butt at work and came home, ate a good dinner and played with my girl. I just put her to bed and tucked her in. I really didn't want to face today...but I did and I managed to get through in pretty darn good style. Now, I'm off to PIT tomorrow for a bit of a change of scenery.
You hang in there too sweetie. We're doing the best we can and we are in really horrible situations. We need to give ourselves a bit of a break and say "Hey, this really sucks" but then we have to get back up and get back to doing he work on us that still needs doing.
I'm doing something sort of crazy this week. I"m submitting a tape to Oprah for her Karoke contest. I sing...not like I sing in the shower but I really can sing. So, a bunch of my friends want me to submit and are all cheering me on. I'm sure nothing will come of it but I'm excited none the less.
That's my challenge for each week. To find one thing that excites and challenges me. You in???
Take care buddy...have a good rest of the week and I'll talk to you on the flip side of PIT.
{{{HUGS}}} Gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
