Newbie.....dealing with a MLC'er....

[drewnole]

My WAS just sent me a text saying she was trying to be fair by allowing our S to live with me.

Huh?

Her reason for moving out was because she wanted to be alone. Plus, she said she did not want to depend on someone. That's the reasons she gave when she left.

I just don't get it.

[Was2sad]

Drew
Don't expect her to feel any guilt about not being there for son - she won't. If she feels pushed into a corner or controlled she'll probably go after all the custody she can get (and doesn't want) just to prove some point. She won't just need to win either. She'll be driven to totally destroy you. Let it go!

You aren't suppose to get it. Her logic is momentary and very fluid. This is the "re-writing history" lesson for you. If you had a voice recording of her prior statements she would just say "wasn't me".

And in a way, she'd be right.

[Grace_O]

The big upside...you get your son.

[Amy40]

My WAS just sent me a text saying she was trying to be fair by allowing our S to live with me.

Huh?

Her reason for moving out was because she wanted to be alone. Plus, she said she did not want to depend on someone. That's the reasons she gave when she left.

I just don't get it.

Did you reply?
If so, what was the rest of the conversation?

[drewnole]

I reminded her that I will never keep her from seeing our Son. That was it.

I just wanted to keep it short and simple.

She did not reply after that. That's basically how it always goes. I don't attempt to keep the conversation going.

All our communication happens via text message.

I was upset that she did not make an attempt to question why I was concerned with allowing him to visit this past weeeknd. Of course, I kept that to my self.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I reminded her that I will never keep her from seeing our Son. That was it.

In my opinion, a mistake.

Every time you remind her that you are "good", she will read that you believe she is "bad".

Less is more. None can be best.

[Twink]

Every time you remind her that you are "good", she will read that you believe she is "bad".

So how can one be kind and lovingly detached without projecting good vs. bad? I think it's just doing it without saying it. Does that make sense?

[drewnole]

VH,

That's why I hate text messaging. I wanted to convey a message that our little boy is our son even though he stays with me.

Maybe that's where I am having a difficult time understanding her mode of thinking.

Also, I was just trying to show her that she is welcome to spend time with him even though I have my doubts with her living arrangements and how they can affect my son.

[fisherman]

I was upset that she did not make an attempt to question why I was concerned with allowing him to visit this past weeeknd. Of course, I kept that to my self.

Expect nothing....

It's actually a good thing she didn't question it. The conversation that would have followed most likely wouldn't have been a positive one.

[fisherman]

Maybe that's where I am having a difficult time understanding her mode of thinking.

You can't. The more you try, the more frustrated and impatient you will become.

Stay focused on you and your son, take some time and really learn about what happens to person in a crisis.