Thanks as always for your response. I have been tested for ADD but a LONG time ago. I was told that I didn't have it. I tend to "overthink" things. LOL Like I needed to tell you that. I do everyones work but my own. I am really starting to see that through my CoDA program.
After events of this weekend and last night, I really have been left with little choice except to focus on myself. It becomes clearer and clearer to me that I have not a clue what my H is thinking. And, truthfully, it isn't my job to know.
I am challenged where boundries are concerned and I'll tell you why. I confuse boundries with ultimatums. That might not be the right way to put it so I will explain a bit. My husband is on the computer non stop. This isn't just lately, since our marital woes started...it's been like this for a long time. I have a serious issue with this. I would actually like to spend some alone time with him at least every so often. That rarely happens. So, when we talked about "trying" to save the marriage he put boundries in place around specific people in my life and behaviors taht I have that he wouldnt tolerate. I put one contrecte boundries on him which was that he couldn't see the OW or he needed to move out. Other than that, I stated needs such as, cutting down the gaming/computer time and perhaps a date night once a week to watch a movie, play a game, etc. This has happened once or twice in the past two months. I tried to make my needs known.
I have been able to set boundries with my brother who has abused me in the past and I've stuck with them. I have even managed boundries at work. With my husband, it's another matter entirely. I'm not sure how I set boundries around the gaming. I agree that the mothering and armchair psycho analysis has to end. It's a poisen in our relationship and effects us both very negatively.
It's very hard to concentrate on myself when I'm laying in bed waiting for a car to drive in the driveway because he's 4 hours past the time he said he would be home......but I"m trying. I'm just struggeling right now....and that's ok. At least I'm trying and I'm committed to doing what I can to allow enough light in for a healthy marriage to grow.
Thanks again,
Gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
