She says she doesn't miss me a lot of the time? What a joke. I haven't let her miss me! We're together all the time!
This current arrangement is very comfortable for her. She gets her family fix with you and passion/affair fix with OM. As I suspected, the affair is ongoing and she is still in contact with OM.
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I need to tell my W that if she decides not to cut that lifeline (completely end her A with OM), then I have only one choice, which is to move fully ahead with the S and D, and insist on new hard boundaries, essentially cutting off all contact with her.
Cutting off contact with your W is your choice, and probably the right one if done lovingly. It's not something you need to insist on or get her approval to do. By spending all of this time with her whilst the affair is ongoing, you are actually enabling her and making life very hard for yourself emotionally. It is highly unlikely that she'll end the A unless she actually experiences life without you, and OM has to meet all of her needs. The reason you're in her life so much is because you provide things that OM isn't able to. Going pitch black is what Dr. Willard Harley would call a Plan B.
It's very improbable that she'll give up OM WITHOUT a period of no contact with her. Remember that affairs are a drug in the cheater's blood.
Your wife is actively in an affair and in my experience, the only thing they respond to is HARD CONSEQUENCES or more euphemistically put, LOSS.
And forget about "lifeline". That's Affair Speak for "addiction/indulgence that I would suffer for if I were to give it up".
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
