Hi All Can't check the boards at work anymore....new monitoring software there now and I don't need everyone knowing my biz!
Anniversary was OK. He found out a co-worker got a new job in a much bigger city and while he's happy for her he's jealous. He's in a business where good looking women will do better and go farther than him and while it's not fair, that's how it is. It frustrates him to no end. He normally shakes it off, but it does get his goat.
Then his cousin passed away so he's sad about that.
All is ok. He's not really making the effort I would like to see but I guess I just have to deal with that. I still have the fear that he's only going through the physical emotions and still emotionally unavailable.
He's still texting with ex-OW. I know last Saturday he was texting with her and she was ignoring him so he ended his texts to her with some eff yous and says he hasn't heard a peep out of her since. Not sure why he offered this information but I guess I'll file it away in the "good to know" category?
I'm at home sick today. Hope it's not the oink oink!
I'm hanging in there. H and I had a talk today. It went fairly well and ended on a high note I suppose.
He's got some event coming up this weekend that while it hurts me, he doesn't want me to be there. (Long story, won't bore you with it, but that's the gist) So it sucks. But I've decided to understand and realize that's just where we are now.
I told him "You have been in a bad mood this week and one of the reasons (among other things) is that you are stressing about Saturday. I feel like I've shown you, being honest with me is the better way to do things. And we can talk about things and work from there. Instead of being distant and crappy because you don't just want to come out and say what's on your mind because you think it's going to be a fight, just tell me and see what happens."
He said "How do you figure that's a good idea? If I told you I didn't want you there Saturday you would have freaked."
I said "Yes, the old me would have. But I want to point out, when you wanted to go on your gambling trip alone last month, did I freak out? Or did I tell you to have fun? Did I text and call you like crazy? Was I mad? Did I b!tch at you once?"
He said nothing. Because I was totally supportive.
I said "You were honest with me about that trip. You wanted to go alone and you wouldn't say so, but I knew it. So I called you on it. You admitted it, yes you wanted to go alone. Cool. I did not call or text you, I only responded to you. I left you alone and was happy for you. So with that, based on that whole situation, please give me some credit and assume that's how I'll be handling things from now on."
He said "Ok. I don't want you to go on Saturday."
I said "That sucks. But ok, what's your schedule for that day?" He told me and I asked "Are you going out afterward?" He said "I might." I said "Alrighty."
I also told him I need him on board. I need effort. If he's not in a good mood that day or moment ok, just say "I need some space" or whatever and take it. I told him I'd rather be alone with out him and not walking on eggshells than with him walking on eggshells. He said "Good to know".
I also gave him a gauge. I told him a time frame recently when things were rocking and rolling with us...when his efforts were tangible. I was feeling great about things. I said "That's the H I can deal with. That's the H I would like to be around. If you aren't feeling like that guy, then say so and go do something else. If you're in a bad mood but want to be around me because you think I can help, then say so. Then I would be happy to help make a bad day better. But if I can't, feel free to mope somewhere else." I said I know you can't read my mind so this I hope gives you a gauge of what I see as progress, good stuff between us and what I see as blah. He said "It does help."
So...that's life right now. He's been pretty helpful while I've been sick. I think it's more of a "kick you in the butt in the mornings, but you're fine in the afternoons" cold.
But work is going well and that's always a good thing and S is just about perfect.
Well you're doing well - with the same advice you gave to me. You are asking him to be straight with you about if he wants you around or not, and you are respecting him when he says he needs space.
Now you do what you advised me to - you get really busy when he's at the event. You have things to do for yourself, anyhow. H will see that you aren't sitting around p.o.ed that you weren't invited and that frankly it works out better for you. This takes the pressure off.
At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if he's really ex-OW or if he's still (as ridiculous as it would seem) still hoping that could work out for them.
That sucks. Plain and simple. However, it's not about her, it's about you. H was making a lot of moves toward you before your trip and if he doesn't see your anger, no reason he won't continue in that direction.
When he got home last night, it was to help me with S since I'm under the weather. By the time he got done eating, and doing "other things" which fall under the TMI category, it was 8:30. Then he just gets into bed and I wanted to ask "Why are you here?" He wasn't too much help with S, but fortunately S was pretty much the cutie he normally is and not a handful so it all worked out.
But he was Mr. Happy and making plans. Since I was not invited on Saturday I told him I was going to take S to see Where the Wild Things Are. He says last night after a commercial comes on for the movie "Let's go see it Monday. Do you have tennis?" I do have tennis....every Monday, but I said "Let me see about that." So....one hand he was trying to make plans, on the other it disrupts mine on two days. So not really a stressful OMG what do I do? But still....something to think about.
Good news that he offered to go with. However, I suggest you stick to your tennis schedule and make him make the adjustments. That would fall under the best GAL catagory I can think of~
