Past Limbo: Wife officially wants divorce

[d1adsl5a]

I do want help mach. At the attorney's office today, she said clearly you are not ready to divorce. I am not. I do feel my wife is. So yes, it is difficult to see her affect on the kids with her actions. It is difficult to wake up everyday in a loveless marriage. I do know that keeping things civil will help if she does file. Last thing I want to to is incite her to come at me and fight on the split custody we agreed to in principle.

It is difficult when your wife says things that cut like a knife. They don't care how much they hurt. They only see themselves and their sense of mission. Jack said I came here defeated already. Maybe I have. Maybe I am defeated. However, I need to feel defeated like it is done in order to carry on. Isn't that what detaching is all about....Just like the soldiers who go into battle can't have the fear of dying. Or the football players that can't have a fear of getting hurt or a concussion. If they have that fear they lose. So I guess since she cancelled retrouville and officially said it is done. I do feel that I coming closer to that state of less fear of the future. Because you have to accept regardless of what happens. So, I have to get on with my life one way or the other right? I don't have to keep hanging on to that hope. That is what has been so tough since this started. Hope. I can act the way I want now, say the things I want now. I have been walking on eggshells for 6 months. I can respond if I so choose. Last night I did respond after accusing me of something so bad, I'm embarrased to even mention it on this website. After she admitted that she was wrong for her thinking, there wasn't even an apology.

I even bought her a laptop for her new realestate endeavors last week--All I got was I'll pay you back...

I have to keep living for me and my sons. Right now, that probably doesn't include my wife. If it changes it does. But right now, I do feel she is gone. When she files, she files....I will be ready either way.