I like to figure out the worst possible scenario (outcome), and then visualize myself handling it confidently, and strongly. Once you face down your worst fears, you find you're very well prepared to deal with the medium-sized ones, b/c it almost always turns out to be better than the worst-case scenario you came up with.
I hope to get there soon. But I'm not there yet. Right now, when I figure out the worst possible scenario, I see my W happily dating & living the single life & see myself living in my house all alone, wishing I had someone around.
I know...it's a horrible attitude to have. That's the biggest thing I need to work on. Insecurity.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
...I see my W happily dating & living the single life & see myself living in my house all alone, wishing I had someone around. I know...it's a horrible attitude to have. That's the biggest thing I need to work on. Insecurity.
The day I was alone by myself and happy was a great day. All the personal growth and loving myself came together one day. I am enjoying life. MsR2C is still stuck and angry. We are lucky to have this support site. Our spouses are not quit so lucky.....They are bound to repeat without going through the personal growth. If they come back to us, then they grow.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She also may be getting her ducks in a row if YOU make the decision of kicking her ass out to the curb. Have you thought of that?
Could be. I'm just not sure, considering the timing. She filled out the paperwork to "cash in" last Wednesday. Last Thursday is when I confronted her about the A & said I wanted her out if she's going to carry on an A behind my back. So the wheels were already in motion.
I need to get my head of my butt & stop worrying. But it's still lodged up there pretty deep.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Get a laxitive and flush it away, OK that was gross, but like Puppy said, what I do is have every scenerio that I can think of, then have how I would handle each one, after I have thought trough them, I could relax and not think about it anymore.
We fear what we do not know more than anything that we do know.
I'll give you one more bit of encouragement before I need to go home to my bride.
Two years ago about this time, my W was planning on D'ing me and marrying OM. I saw the text messages. OM was going home to Louisiana (we live in Ohio) to talk to his W about a D so he and my W could get together. My W sent him a TM and asked if he'd talked to his W about it and he replied that he didn't have a chance to because she and their kids had gone out to dinner without him, but he would. My W was very excited.
One problem with that. OM never went home. He was lying to my W the whole time. Shortly after that I contacted OMW and told her what was going on. When we were talking I told her that story and she told me he hadn't been home for months. Imagine that, an affair partner lying to the one they're cheating with.
That's why these things never last. Usually one party is more invested than the other because they want MORE. And usually, one party is in it for the sex (read that as the man). Of course there are exceptions, but OM in your sitch is married and I would almost bet that he has no intention of leaving his W.
So now that your W has this idea in her head she's going to move out and everything will be fairy tales and butterflies, OM will never be able to measure up to what she's given up for him, even if he tries. Once the A falls apart, then you can attempt to reconcile, if that's what you choose to do.
I read a book by Harley that states only 10 out of 100 affairs lead to marriage and of those 10, only 2 or 3 last more than 5 years.
Quit worrying about what she might be doing. Right now, even she doesn't know what she's doing, even if it appears she does.
Like Puppy mentioned, she might just want the money because it gives her the feeling that she can leave if she wants to even if she doesn't.
Keep your chin up.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
She knows. She was working on a "what I'd like to take with me from the house" list this evening while I was out playing b-ball...typed it up like a contract where we'd both sign at the bottom. And she was checking our bank accts online. She also tried to contact OM...logging in thru work email/IM on our home PC.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
