Your thought was right, she should help investigate refinancing options, no one says you have to shoulder the entire load of responsibilities - in fact making it easy on her is exactly what you've done for so long, maybe it's time for her to have a dose of reality - stop helping her.
Agreeing in principle to use "community resources" is still making this easy on her. Don't agree to it, let her plunk down cash for more legal expense and get it in writing.
BJ, this is exactly what I am talking about in terms of "forcing her hand." You may need to go to more extreme options to stop being such an excellent provider to stop her from taking advantage of you so much.
