Bill
First of all big breath and step back.

She has said she doesn't want to loose you. That is the biggest positive you can find right now.

Now is the time to be a strong leader. Now it is time to show her that the man she married is right there for her to lean on.

Your closeness is derived from your openness and now that you are open to her, you have to not pull back but not pursue....

As Johnny Cash once said, "because you are mine, i walk the line"

Walk the line bill. Everything will fall in place after.

Intimacy comes as natural as breathing. If you are stressed out it will literally refuse itself.

Be happy.
Be funny.
Be jolly.
And most importantly don't be so hard on yourself (no pun intended)

My sitch- http://tinyurl.com/nth74d