Past Limbo: Wife officially wants divorce

[forward]

Pay attention to actions more than words. So she said this, perhaps in anger (the self-righteous MLC kind).

Do nothing.

Make her initiate.

You will notice that there is often significant time between that particular announcement (I want a divorce) and any action, and even more between that action and the real end.

With that said, I will tell you that even if you decide you do not want her back, you can also consider that the more time that goes by, the less emotion will be in any divorce negotiations. That is better.

So do nothing.

But...agree with her. Tell her you will wait for the papers, then.

[d1adsl5a]

I hear you. I know it is early in the process or maybe in the middle somewhere. I feel like I am the beating stick daily. Even when we do have good days, like yesterday. She can take it and drive it to the ground.

I am trying to keep my patience daily. It isn't easy. However, now that she has asked for the divorce officially, it has been a bit easier to cope everyday.

I did have a crisis last year when I had horrible insomnia. Was looking for support from her. Got if for a couple months and then it was gone. She has admitted this to me as well. She said she couldn't handle it and tried the tough love approach with me--didn't work and it got worse....What if I had cancer, would she have been there. Scares me to thing...

Thanks.

[d1adsl5a]

It is her escape. She is going to be 40 and it is her only escape from what she is doing to our family. Don't think she is an alcoholic yet unless having a half a bottle of wine every night an alcoholic....

[d1adsl5a]

I don't disagree with you. Even Keeled. I am the only one keeping the even Keel. That is a great question as to why is she waiting. I don't know. Make it easier on the kids, give them more time to adjust? Every day I give. I give a piece of me in dealing with her MLC. Our sons are giving a piece of themselves in dealing with her MLC. I did consult an attorney today. I am in no rush either believe me.

I am not expecting her to act differently right now. It has been six months and her behavior has gotten progressivly worse over this time. My hope would have been that it would have evened out by now. All the changes I have made that she wanted me to make are actually backfiring a bit. I like them so I will keep doing them. It is now a contest for her when the kids want to do their homework with me not her. She will say daddy is smarter go to him. When I cook and the kids say its great, daddy is a better cook than me. When I managing the kids sports schedules and telling her where they need to be. She says daddy is taking over my role so I can focus on making something of myself for you kids. He had his time, now it is my time.

So you are damned if you do, damned if you don't...

Anyway--I hear you. Trying everyday to keep putting one foot in front of the other....

[d1adsl5a]

I do want help mach. At the attorney's office today, she said clearly you are not ready to divorce. I am not. I do feel my wife is. So yes, it is difficult to see her affect on the kids with her actions. It is difficult to wake up everyday in a loveless marriage. I do know that keeping things civil will help if she does file. Last thing I want to to is incite her to come at me and fight on the split custody we agreed to in principle.

It is difficult when your wife says things that cut like a knife. They don't care how much they hurt. They only see themselves and their sense of mission. Jack said I came here defeated already. Maybe I have. Maybe I am defeated. However, I need to feel defeated like it is done in order to carry on. Isn't that what detaching is all about....Just like the soldiers who go into battle can't have the fear of dying. Or the football players that can't have a fear of getting hurt or a concussion. If they have that fear they lose. So I guess since she cancelled retrouville and officially said it is done. I do feel that I coming closer to that state of less fear of the future. Because you have to accept regardless of what happens. So, I have to get on with my life one way or the other right? I don't have to keep hanging on to that hope. That is what has been so tough since this started. Hope. I can act the way I want now, say the things I want now. I have been walking on eggshells for 6 months. I can respond if I so choose. Last night I did respond after accusing me of something so bad, I'm embarrased to even mention it on this website. After she admitted that she was wrong for her thinking, there wasn't even an apology.

I even bought her a laptop for her new realestate endeavors last week--All I got was I'll pay you back...

I have to keep living for me and my sons. Right now, that probably doesn't include my wife. If it changes it does. But right now, I do feel she is gone. When she files, she files....I will be ready either way.

[Mach1]

I do want help mach.

Then you need to leave everything that you use in the corporate world at the door.....

You cannot fix this D1....No matter how hard you try.

Re-read your other thread here....really read it and then look at how your interactions have fueled her fire with this.

D1.....That mirror that you have to look into is a hard reflection my friend...

And you have to admit some very revealing things about yourself to see the need for change....

You have played the control card, and the guilt card at every call...

You have chosen to believe that this is something personal against you...

You think this is something she can snap her fingers and end for herself....

Dude....SHE IS IN A LIFE CRISIS !!!!!

And until you understand your role in this, you will spin like a hamster on a wheel....

Read for now......then talk to me.....