LOL, lazy you, didnt want to package it huh? Flat instead? Remember when I said about you being "flat" (moodwise) and bf couldnt stop laughing? Hilarious!!!
I told him he needs to make it clear to her he loves me and will fight for our M and therefor she should stop contacting him. Completely. I told him if I find out that she so much asked for her cds back and he didnt tell me, I am filing next day and he shouldnt even bother to talk to me. He did say why is that so important to you? I replied it is extremely imrpotant and since I am the woman he loves he should do it anyway, humor me, you know? He said, OK, I will do that then if it is so important to you because I guess I need to prove to you who is precious to me.
I told him, he needs to decide what he wants. Does he want me? Does he want our family full time? How does he see himself in 5 years? If the answer is yes, he wants me, then he should figure out a solution about work. He asked, why cant I understand that providing for us is very important to him. I told him I do unerstand but we will NOT have a money problem anyway. And I dont want him to quit, I want him to be present. If he can do that with other ways, I dont care. He needs to "hold on to his priorities/desires" as well to be happy in this marriage, but not on our expense. I told him it is either that, or his fear of financial insecurity would have to measure up against the risk of loosing me. Simple. He agreed and said we should find a commonly agreed solution.
Lastly, I told him my previous request of commitement was totally wrong. I want him to decide what kind of person he wants to be. After what he is been thru, he should know what feels right and what not. And I told him he needs to decide to commit to HIMSELF about integrity, honesty, morals. If he is willing to do that, then he would have to LIVE that way. And if he does, I will be perfectly happy.
I pointed out, I made my decision to be honest and true to myself. I decided I will not let him or anything else, throw me back where I was 3 years ago. And that I decided to stand out as a good person. And that includes finding the courage to forgive him. I am willing to LIVE that. I then said, if he decides, me is what he really wants, time, jobs etc should be easy to joggle. No grey areas. No exits out, no excuses. He agreed and seemed to understand.
The vision of myself today was one of me being content, happy, growing, sharing, learning, feeling equal, balanced, satisfied. And all that not in a fairytale setting. All that in REAL LIFE. And I can fight for that and work and listen and compromise. But the goal now for me, is to keep improving, facing difficulties with strength, being a good mother, growing up with my kids, being a good friend, an exciting lover, a compassionate partner. That is how I see myself.That's my goal. K
