I just finished reading Ch6 of DR. I reread "Method of Last Resort" multiple times. Its the only method left I can do. I haven't spoken or seen my W since Thursday. Today she called, but I was busy with a friend. Later she txt me saying she went to the house to drop something off. One of the things DR says is not the show anger. If I dont call her back or reply to her txt, is this a sign of me being angry? As I said before, I feel very uncomfortable seeing or talking to her because of the next mean thing she is going to say about our marriage. I know im suppose to act happy, guess I have to sike myself up to that (im not a great actor and she can see this).
Broken,
I'd suggest thinking up AHEAD OF TIME how you're going to respond if she says the next mean thing about your marriage. Visualize it, and rehearse what you're going to say (ex: (upbeat) "I'm really sorry you feel that way. Look, I hate to run, but I have something I have to get to. We'll talk later, okay?").
If you PREPARE yourself ahead of time, with a STRONG response, you'll begin to lose the fear of even starting a convo with her.
Cuz you do need to still be civil, and courteous, and completely avoiding will be seen as passive-aggressive or cowardly. You're learning to draw a line, but you've been drawing it in the wrong place (at the BEGINNING, avoiding ANY convo), instead of learning to draw it AT A HEALTHY BOUNDARY, such as when she raises her voice, or says something totally rude or disrespectful.
Let me put it another way: do you avoid telling jokes whatsoever with people because you're afraid they might tell a tasteless one that will offend your personal ethics and integrity? Or is it better to tell (and listen to) jokes, and if someone DOES cross your boundary, calmly say "Look, I'm not a prude, but I really don't appreciate jokes about (fill in the blank), ok? No big deal, but thanks."
Hope that helps. The only other thing I wanted to add after reading ALL of your posts just now, is what someone said above about you allowing your wife to plan what YOU are going to do if you divorce. Go back and re-read the 2x4, and take it to heart.
